The High 5 Habit summary

What memories do high fives bring up for you? Celebrating some childhood achievement, like scoring a goal or hitting a home run? Congratulating a friend for getting a promotion, or for finally dumping that toxic partner?

For Mel Robbins, one specific memory sticks out. It was 2001, and she was running the New York City marathon. She was tired, sore, and underprepared. And then, about seven miles in, the blisters on her feet tore open, and each step started to hurt badly.

Mel Robbins might be a life coach now – but when she was younger, her own life sometimes seemed out of control. As a young woman at law school, she was lucky enough to land a great opportunity: a summer internship at the attorney general’s office in Grand Rapids, Michigan.

As part of her work there, Robbins was asked to carry out a project that involved looking at criminal reoffense rates in the state. It was a topic that mattered a great deal to her, one she would have truly enjoyed exploring – but she just couldn’t bring herself to do it.

When you put your laundry in the dryer, odds are you also take the time to clean the lint filter. It’s not a big deal. It’s just a feature of dryers; over time, drying clothes creates lint, and if you don’t clear the filter, the dryer can’t do its job.

It’s a simple process – but have you ever considered doing something similar for your mind?

At this stage, you might find yourself feeling a little skeptical. Sure, high-fiving your reflection might feel good in the moment – but surely it can’t kick-start any real changes in your mood and self-belief. Right?

Well, if you feel that way, you’re not alone. In fact, that’s what Mel Robbins’s daughter thought when she first heard about her mother’s new habit. How could something as simple as high-fiving herself in the mirror begin to change long-standing attitudes and beliefs? 

How often do you find yourself apologizing? For some of us, it’s a tic that can prove hard to shake. If we have to cancel plans, if we need a helping hand, even if someone else bumps into us in the street – the word “sorry” seems to be constantly on our lips.

On the face of it, it’s a harmless habit. After all, who do you hurt by saying sorry? But if you dig a little deeper, the impulse to apologize can suggest something a little more worrying: an overactive sense of guilt that can make it hard to live a truly fulfilling life.