Love for Imperfect Things summary

There’s something liberating about being with old friends. The masks we wear for colleagues, acquaintances, and perhaps even family fall away. In these moments of authentic connection, truths may surface – as Sunim discovered on a visit with an old graduate school chum.

On the surface, Sunim’s friend had achieved remarkable success. Recognition, academic publications, and professional advancement had all come his way. Yet beneath this veneer of accomplishment, much was amiss. He was chronically anxious and worked relentlessly, pushing himself beyond healthy limits. His wife had begun worrying about his deteriorating health.

There’s a saying that Sunim often reflects on: Each warm embrace we receive adds a day to our lives. Touch, the saying suggests, is a life-giving force.

When Sunim first arrived in the United States, he found himself unaccustomed to the American habit of hugging. As a Korean and as a Buddhist monk, certain physical boundaries had been clearly defined throughout his life. The casual embraces of his American acquaintances felt awkward and unfamiliar. He wasn’t quite sure how to respond to this expression of warmth. 

Challenges arise even in our closest relationships. One of the hardest to deal with is disappointment. 

When feelings of disappointment emerge, they serve as a signal that something needs attention. As Sunim observes, they act as a “warning light” on a relationship’s dashboard – an indicator that something is straining the connection and shouldn’t be ignored.

Sunim visited Plum Village, a Buddhist retreat center in France founded by renowned Vietnamese monk Thich Nhat Hanh. Having formed a relationship with the venerable teacher years earlier as his Korean translator, Sunim was eager to experience the community that Thich Nhat Hanh had cultivated.

What struck him immediately upon arrival was the deliberate pace of life. People walked slowly, with intention. They ate unhurriedly, savoring each bite. This was the embodiment of Thich Nhat Hanh’s central teaching: to be fully present in each moment rather than being carried away by the current of one’s thoughts.

In Korea, Buddha’s Birthday arrives each year at the beginning of May, transforming streets with colorful paper lanterns that sway gently in the spring breeze. As a teenager, Sunim welcomed this holiday primarily for the day off from school it provided. He would wander through decorated neighborhoods, admiring the lanterns without giving much thought to their deeper significance.

During those youthful days, Sunim often spent time with young American missionaries who had come to Korea. Between friendly games and sports, they would engage in conversations about spirituality. The missionaries, passionate about their faith, naturally asked Sunim about his own religious background.