The Will to Change summary

Can you recall the last time a male colleague talked to you about his innermost emotions? Men are taught from the youngest age that feelings are to be avoided at all costs.

As a result, patriarchy doesn’t just affect adult men, but boys as well. Boys are taught that, to become a man, they need to be strong and never weak. Feelings are associated with weakness and are therefore off limits.

The majority of people weren’t beaten as children, but many were shamed by their fathers – a form of emotional violence.

This is a good example of how patriarchy teaches men violence, even if it’s not necessarily physical. From childhood, boys are told that pain will make them into men, whether it’s the result of emotional abuse by their fathers, a lack of love or the consequence of using violence themselves to achieve their material desires.

During our grandparents’ generation, men were the main providers for their families and rarely faced unemployment. But that’s all changed today.

Women entered the workforce in increasing numbers, and changes in the economy meant that men had to work mindless jobs and experience unemployment. As a result, men lost their sense of importance and any sense of personal fulfillment in the workplace.

Now you know how society dictates that men be strong and how this prevents most men from getting in touch with their feelings. But how can men overcome this emotional barrier?

By simply acknowledging that their feelings exist. After all, the majority of men have been told that they shouldn’t have feelings at all, and therefore constantly mask their emotions. They create a false self and struggle to build self-esteem or feel their emotions, living every day as a lie.

Have you ever done something for work that contradicted your values? It probably didn’t feel great.

Most men live their entire lives that way, which is why it’s essential for them to practice integrity. By doing so, they can learn to shed their masks and become whole people again. After all, integrity is about being one undivided person, which is exactly the opposite of what men are under the patriarchy.