Fair Play summary

After having children, Eve Rodsky found herself struggling to cope with all the demands placed on her. She was so caught up in what needed to get done that she rarely considered how the busyness and stress affected her well-being. When she began to investigate the mental impact of this extra work on women, she was shocked by what she found: The second shift takes a heavy toll on nearly every aspect of a mother’s life. 

To start with, consider Eve’s marriage. Mothers tend to do more housework and childcare than their male partners, which often leads to resentment and feeling isolated within the relationship. Recent research backs this up, finding that women who do more invisible work than their husbands report lower levels of marital satisfaction. 

Eve Rodsky was just returning home after a particularly long day at the office. Hours earlier, her husband Seth had texted her that somebody had left garbage in their garden. When she pulled up to the house, Eve was furious to see that the garbage was still on the lawn. Clearly, Seth expected her to deal with it, even though he had been home for hours. Why? Sadly, the answer lies in differing attitudes toward men’s and women’s time. 

Eve believes that her husband didn’t dispose of the garbage himself because it wasn’t a good use of his time, but he did consider it a good use of hers. Therefore, he valued his time more highly. 

Becoming a mother can completely change a woman’s identity. Ellen was a passionate interior designer who built her business from the ground up. But then she started a family. Encouraged by her husband, she sold her company, gave up design, and focused all her energy on her children and her household. Unfortunately, in the process, she lost something else too: the passionate, driven woman she had once been. 

Ellen isn’t alone. With the extra demands placed on mothers, many women give up passions integral to who they are. Looking for the reasons behind gender inequality in the home, Eve spoke to hundreds of American women who had given up on their hobbies, interests, and passions. Why? Often, they simply felt too exhausted to pursue activities outside of their family life or careers. Worse, some of these women felt they no longer had permission, either from themselves or their husbands, to put their own interests first. 

Many women suspect they’re doing more than their fair share of domestic labor. And if they’re anything like the average woman, they’re probably right. But wouldn’t it be great if both you and your partner could discover exactly how much each of you does for your family? Well, Eve Rodsky has devised a card game that will allow you to do just that. So take a deep breath and get ready to play “Fair Play” with your partner. 

To play the game, create 100 playing cards. The cards will be organized into five different categories which make up the ecosystem of your domestic life. 

You and your partner have finally arrived at the point where you’re ready to shuffle the cards and deal the pack. This marks the beginning of the change you’ve been waiting for: working together as collaborators rather than score-keeping competitors. 

With the stakes this high, it’s important to observe a few important ground rules. 

In one of Eve Rodsky’s interviews, a father proudly explained that he prepared all the evening meals for his family. But when asked how he found time to plan a weekly dinner menu and shop for ingredients, he looked at Eve blankly. “No,” he said, “my wife does all of that. My job is to cook.” 

Like many people Eve spoke to, this father didn’t grasp the difference between conceiving, planning, and executing, or CPE: the three aspects of every household task.