Best Self summary

Have you ever seen someone absolutely lose it while driving? Road rage causes a remarkable Jekyll and Hyde transformation: the kindest, most considerate people in the world suddenly turn into raging road hogs screaming at everyone around them.

That’s a pretty good example of someone’s anti-self taking control. It’s the part of your personality that responds to situations in the worst possible way, especially when triggers remind you of old wounds and fears.

Becoming your best self is a journey. That means you’ll face obstacles along the way. If you want to reach your destination, you’ll need to avoid potholes and other hazards. And the biggest obstacle you’ll encounter is fear.

The best way to overcome it? Face up to it and be honest with yourself.

So far we’ve explored the internal part of your journey toward your best self. But what about your relationships with others? After all, as the English poet John Donne once wrote, “no man is an island.” In this blink, we’ll take a closer look at your social life, starting with why socializing is so important in the first place.

All evidence points to the idea that socializing is great for your body and soul. Take a study carried out at the University of Michigan in 2008. It found that social interaction is basically like taking your brain to the gym. In other words, it’s one of the best ways of keeping your cognitive capacities in top shape. Then there’s the 2008 Gallup-Healthways survey of 140,000 Americans, which showed that people were happiest on days when they’d spent between six and seven hours socializing.

A lot of your most important relationships put you in the role of a carer, nurturer and helper. Looking out for others is a key part of becoming your best self. But that’s only going to happen if you’re taking care of yourself. Fail to do that and you just won’t have the physical or emotional energy to be useful to anyone.

Self-care, in other words, isn’t selfish – it’s what allows you to give to others! That means it’s vital to learn how to manage the stress and hustle-bustle of everyday life. Let’s take a look at some tools you can use to keep yourself healthy and well-balanced.

How many times have you heard someone explain away their rocky relationships by saying “it’s complicated”? It’s a common enough phrase, but it’s downright misleading. The truth is that many of the issues you’ll face in your relationships come down to a pretty simple issue: unrealistic expectations.

It’s not surprising that so many of us have such misguided views. We’re constantly bombarded by idealized depictions of love in movies, commercials and music. Just think of the standard summer blockbuster: there’ll usually be plenty of romance and passion but very little of the bad moods, midlife crises and rough patches which are part and parcel of long-term relationships.