The Comfort Book summary

Imagine you’re walking through a dark forest, crashing through the undergrowth. You can’t see where you’re going, and your skin is full of red welts from the mosquitoes swarming around you. Nothing looks familiar anymore. You’re hungry, tired, and just want to get home. But how do you find your way? 

There will be times in your life when you’re in that metaphorical forest – when all your carefully laid plans have gone wrong and you’re faced with a wilderness you simply weren’t prepared for. When that happens, just keep walking in a straight line, putting one foot in front of the other. Trust that there is a way out, even if you can’t see it immediately. 

Sometimes, being depressed can feel like being stuck in the bottom of a valley. You can only see what’s right in front of you, so you’re unaware of the beautiful view that lies just up that hill. Depression whispers in your ear: saying “You will never get better.” And you believe that voice in your head because, in that moment, you can’t imagine ever feeling joy again. But your depressed brain is telling you lies. You will feel better – even if you can’t imagine it now. 

Think back to a time when you felt pretty crummy, and it seemed like you’d feel that way forever. Maybe it was when you were a moody teenager. Or perhaps it was when you were an exhausted, sleep-deprived parent of young kids. Have you had moments of joy or pleasure since that time – moments you couldn’t have imagined in the grip of your despair? How you feel today is not necessarily how you’ll feel in a week or a year. 

You’re allowed to be messy. 

You’re allowed to be emotional. 

When your own world is very dark, it can be impossible to feel any faith in yourself and imagine that things will get better. But, luckily, you can borrow faith from other people by learning about their lives. 

Next time you’re feeling stuck and hopeless, look up some stories from people who’ve also encountered adversity – and made their way through. People like Maya Angelou, the author and poet who survived an abusive childhood and became one of the world’s most powerful activists and writers. 

If your leg is broken, a cast and crutches signals to other people that you’ve been through something and are currently going through something. But mental illness is largely invisible. The way you look on the outside doesn’t represent how you feel. Your insides and your outsides don’t match.

Writing can be a bridge between the inner and outer you. It can be a way to put all your feelings into words that other people can understand. Or a way to make sense of what’s going on in your mind. 

Self-care isn’t all bubble baths and candles. Often, it’s about being tough and having firm boundaries. It’s about saying “no”: 

No, I don’t want more cake.

There’s something magical about music. It can transport you into the past, rev you up, or change your mood entirely. Like when you’re in the car, and a song comes on that you can shout along to with the windows down. Or how sad music can allow you to have a good cry and mourn a breakup. Or how another song might remind you of a dear friend. 

So put some music on, and allow yourself to get lost in the sounds.

Divers who were swimming in the ocean around Hawaii noticed something strange: a fish they’d never seen before was swimming around. It looked like a small, golden fish they were familiar with called the goldsaddle goatfish. But it was much bigger. 

When they swam up to it, the big fish suddenly split into eight little fish. It turns out that goatfish swim together in perfect formation when they’re feeling attacked, so that they appear more threatening to predators. 

Have you ever tried to make it stop raining? Give it a go! Shout at the sky, and shake your fist. 

It doesn’t work, does it? You can shout as much as you like, but it will just keep raining.

You want to know what the mortal enemy of anxiety is? Curiosity. That’s because it’s hard to be anxious and curious at the same time. As soon as you start wondering about something – or someone – else, you become anchored to the world instead of stuck in the scary world in your head. 

So look around you and practice cultivating curiosity. Eavesdrop on the fight happening at the table next to you. Or google something you’ve always wondered about, like how gravity really works. 

Babies are universally adored. They just exist, stare at us, blink from time to time, and demand food. And we love them for it. 

Nobody stares at a baby and thinks to themselves, If only that baby were wealthier, or more popular, it would be a valuable human being. A baby’s value is innate in its raw state. Just like our value is innate. But that’s so hard to remember.

The classic horror movie Jaws is known to keep people on the edge of their seats – and yet we only see the famously terrifying shark 1 hour and 21 minutes into the movie. That’s because, sometimes, what we don’t see or what we’re left to imagine is scarier than what’s actually there. 

You probably have your own ominous Jaws soundtrack in your head: your own inner sharks, parts of yourself that scare you or feelings you’d rather ignore. 

This might seem like strange advice. We’re always told to be in the moment – to appreciate every second of every day. But that can add a whole lot of unnecessary pressure to our lives. On top of everything else, we have to add “being in the moment” to the list. But think about it. You’re always in the moment. You're alive, aren’t you? Even if the moment is spent scrolling through Instagram, you’re still experiencing it.

When people say we should “be in the moment,” they often mean we should be mindful of the moment we’re in. But, let’s face it, being exquisitely aware of what’s going on in our minds all the time can be awful. In fact, it was when the author was at his most depressed that he felt most in the moment. He was excruciatingly aware of his surroundings, and of what was going on in his brain. He would have given anything to be mindless sometimes. 

Did you know that one of the most hopeful songs was written at one of the most hopeless points in human history? Somewhere Over the Rainbow was composed by two Jewish musicians – Harold Arlen and Yip Harburg – for the movie The Wizard of Oz. The movie came out in 1939, the year Adolf Hitler unleashed a tide of anti-Semitism on the world. The fact that these musicians chose that moment to create one of the most optimistic songs ever written is probably not coincidental. 

There’s nothing rational about hope. In the middle of a global pandemic, it can feel extremely irrational to be hopeful. And if you’re struggling with anxiety or depression, hope can be even harder to find.