Becoming Attached Buchzusammenfassung - das Wichtigste aus Becoming Attached

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Zusammenfassung von Becoming Attached

Name: Becoming Attached
Rating: 3.8 (77 reviews)
Author: Robert Karen

Robert Karen

First Relationships and How They Shape Our Capacity to Love

3.8 (77 Bewertungen)

17 Min.

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Becoming Attached
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Kernaussage 1 von 8

What’s in it for me? Learn how attachment affects a child’s psychological development.

Theories about parenting and childhood development have always been controversial, especially in recent decades as the field of developmental psychology has grown rapidly. With so much information available, some of which is contradictory, it’s difficult to know which findings to trust.

These blinks depict childhood attachment from a psychological point of view. They provide insights from top psychologists in the field and explain some of the most important studies done on childhood attachment. You’ll learn how children’s first relationship with their primary caregiver has a profound impact on their development. These insights might help you provide a healthier environment for your own children or understand your own childhood experience.

You’ll also learn

about the controversy of day care and how it’s not always harmful;
how our relationship to our own parents influences our relationship to our children;
how separation from parents for only a few days can negatively affect a child; and
how to classify different types of parent-child attachment styles.

The strong bond between children and their parents or other caregivers is called attachment.

How much can you remember about your early childhood? Probably not much. But you’ll definitely remember the person who cared for you: your primary caregiver. In most cases, children’s primary caregiver is their mother. The special connection between children and their main caregiver is called attachment.

Attachment is a very complex process that children begin in their first year of life. It’s a basic biological need for a simple reason: children can’t survive on their own.

Attachment develops in different phases. In the first weeks of their lives, newborns don’t have any preference for their mothers. But, after a few weeks, they can differentiate between faces and recognize their mother or other primary caregiver. As they continue to grow, they show signs of distress if their caregiver isn’t nearby. This is the start of attachment.

Researchers have studied monkeys to gain some understanding of attachment. In one study, they separated baby monkeys from their mothers right after birth and raised them in a cage that had two fake “mothers” made out of wire. One of the “mothers” had a soft cloth wrapped around it, and the other had a feeding nipple. They wanted to see which of the mothers the baby monkeys would prefer.

In the end, the baby monkeys spent most of their time cuddling with the cloth mother, and went to the other one only for food. Their needs for warmth, love and attachment were more important to them than eating.

Although attachment is something that we’ve all experienced, the study of it is rather controversial. There are many disputed theories, and people within the field often try to push parents into a certain parenting style. In the following blinks, we’ll learn more about these different theories.

The mother is a secure base from which children can explore their environment.

Think back on your childhood. Did you go to your mother when you were scared of something? No matter how scary a situation was, it was always better when your mom was around, right?

That’s because your attachment to your mother (or other primary caregiver) provided a secure base for you.

A young child experiences problems when separated from its mother.

Imagine your young child were so sick you had to leave him in the hospital and weren’t allowed to visit. While that might seem strange to us today, it was a reality for many parents just a few decades ago. Back then, hospitals didn’t let parents stay with their children for fear of infection. In doing so, they unknowingly caused a great deal of problems.

In the beginning of a child’s life, even just a few days of separation can have serious consequences for the child’s development. James Robertson, one of the top researchers in the field of mother-child separation, knew this and pushed hard to have hospitals change their policy to start allowing parents to visit their children.

There are three attachment styles that describe someone’s attitude and behavior towards attachment.

If you’ve ever studied psychology, you might’ve encountered the name Mary Ainsworth, who’s played an instrumental role in the field of child psychology. In her analysis of attachment, she identified three different attachment styles to classify the bond between parent and child.

The first, secure attachment, is the most common. It’s characterized by an emotionally available mother and an easy-to-handle child. These mothers respond quickly to their children’s needs. They attend to their children in a warm and loving way, and are consistently available.

You can examine either the child or the parent to assess the attachment style.

Now that you know the three attachment styles, how can you determine which one someone has?

To help answer this question, Ainsworth developed something called the Strange Situation.

Parental behavior has a great impact on the attachment style of a child.

So what causes these differences in attachment styles? Some psychologists have suggested that it’s partly genetic. Most research, however, has shown that there’s a much more reliable indicator.

The attachment style adults had with their own parents is a good predictor of what style they’ll have with their children.

Day care in early infanthood is not necessarily harmful.

There will always be debates about the best ways to raise children. The topic of day care, however, is particularly controversial and one of the most-discussed topics in the history of developmental psychology.

For a long time, day care was considered harmful in the first year of infanthood. Discussions about day care first arose when women began fighting for their right to work. Before that, there had not been any need for day care, as women stayed home to care for their children. Opposition to day care was thus an excuse for people to speak out against the women’s movement.

Parents’ interaction with their children is often affected by their attempt to deal with their own childhood.

If you’re a parent, how did you feel before you became one? If you’re not a parent, how would you feel if you knew you had a child on the way? Excited? Scared? Confused?

Well, you should try to be aware of those feelings, because they will influence the way you bring up your child! Your attitude toward parenting, and your own past experience as a child have a big effect on your own parenting style.

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Worum geht es in Becoming Attached?

This book is about the importance of children’s first relationships, especially with their primary caregiver, typically the mother. It offers insights into the ways that attachment can positively or negatively affect children’s development, and offers a great deal of scientific research on important findings concerning attachment.

Bestes Zitat aus Becoming Attached

The problem we have as parents, is not usually a lack of love [...], but an unwillingness to face who we are.

—Robert Karen

Wer Becoming Attached lesen sollte

Anyone interested in psychology
Anyone interested in child care
Parents or anyone about to become a parent

Über den Autor

Robert Karen is a clinical psychologist and the author of several successful books on psychology, the most recent of which is The Forgiving Self: The Road from Resentment to Connection. He is also assistant clinical professor at the Derner Institute of Advanced Psychological Studies.

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Elternschaft Psychologie

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