Welcoming the Unwelcome summary

It’s a common part of human nature to feel dissatisfied, no matter what’s going on in life. As a result, we look for things to blame, be it the weather, other people or ourselves, and we attribute labels such as “bad” and “unworthy” to solidify our aversion to these things. Unfortunately, today we see more and more of this kind of labeling and an us-versus-them rhetoric which removes all middle ground.

Take rain, for example. If you spent the day preparing a picnic, rain might seem like a bad thing. Whereas, if you were lying comfortably in bed, the sound of the rain might be a very welcome, peaceful, good thing. 

When you think of the ego, what comes to mind? The ego can mean different things to different people, but in the Buddhist teachings, the ego is the part of us that is in regular conflict with reality.

The ego wants permanence, control, and stability. This is at odds with what life really is, which is impermanent and in a constant state of change. Today is not the same as yesterday, and you are not the same person you were last year, last week, or even an hour ago. You’re continually growing, as is everything around you, and it’s all headed toward the finality of death.

One of the facts of life is that life itself can change in an instant. One evening, the author Joan Didion and her husband were eating dinner when all of a sudden her husband went into cardiac arrest and died within seconds. She wrote a book, The Year of Magical Thinking, which explained how her world suddenly fell out from underneath her and everything changed.

It can happen to anyone, at any time – something happens and everything that you’ve been working on up until then becomes seemingly pointless or meaningless and life feels empty. In other words, you suddenly feel groundless, with nothing solid to stand on. Maybe it’s a tragic death or you find out you were adopted. Maybe your husband tells you he’s in love with someone else and wants a divorce. Any number of sudden changes can bring on this feeling of groundlessness.

Everyone has a comfort zone, the places and activities you’re most at ease with. But the ironic thing is, the more time you spend doing only the things you’re absolutely comfortable with, the smaller your comfort zone gets. Whereas, if you’re regularly pushing and expanding the boundaries, the more comfort you’ll experience in life. 

There are really three zones in life: in the center is the comfort zone and just outside it is the learning zone. And just outside that is the excessive risk zone. Not unlike trying to learn how to swim, the danger lies in jumping from comfort straight into the deep end of excessive risk. Doing this can come as such a shock that you retreat even further into your comfort zone and become less confident in stepping out. 

Part of the journey to enlightenment is to stop being judgmental and criticizing yourself and others. Learning not to judge yourself harshly can be difficult, but it helps when you have good friends.

First of all, a good friend can be like a good teacher, someone who minimizes your shortcomings and encourages the growth of your abilities. When a friend is a really special teacher, they provide instruction and examples of how to awaken your mind and heart.