Weird summary

Accepting difference in other people can be really challenging – and at least part of the blame lies with our hardware. The human brain likes familiarity, which is why we seek out people who look and think like us. 

In fact, according to one researcher, friendship groups tend to be so similar that if you ask questions on a hundred different topics, the group will agree 86 percent of the time. This can feel cozy when you’re out at brunch. But it stops you from growing and developing.

Do you remember the last time you felt slighted by a friend? For many of us, it’s just about the worst feeling there is. You not only feel sad and lonely – you wonder if you’ll ever feel happy again.

But it’s not only fights with friends that are destabilizing. Being ignored, laughed at, or discriminated against by strangers can also make us upset. Studies show that being ostracized by strangers starts to take an emotional toll after just three minutes.

You’ve learned how being seen as weird can wreak havoc on your health and happiness, but that’s not the whole story. Scientists find that people actually like being part of exclusive groups. We want to fit in – but just enough. Think about how you stopped liking that indie band once everyone else discovered them, and you’ll get the idea.

Unique traits make us memorable – whether it’s physical, like having a prominent beauty mark, or an aspect of our personality. Part of the reason we like people who are a bit different is that they tend to be more creative. 

If you’re a nonconformist trying to survive as the odd one out, you’ll be happier and healthier if you learn how to transform your weirdness into a superpower. But it won’t happen overnight. Putting your unique qualities to work takes effort. 

Olga’s interview subjects reveal several useful strategies for helping others see your weirdness as a strength. Of course, the first person you need to convince is yourself – so cast yourself in a positive light to build greater self-confidence. 

As a weird person, you have a choice to make. Will you carry on living in a community that doesn’t reflect who you are? Will you uproot your life and move somewhere you can be yourself? Or will you decide on an in-between option, and straddle two communities? For the vast majority of weird people, the latter option is best – despite a measure of discomfort that comes with not quite fitting in anywhere.

During the course of her research, Olga Khazan discovered that weird people may all be weird, but they’re not all weird in the same way. It’s impossible to predict what will work for anyone else. Instead you must test the limits of what you’re comfortable with, and make adjustments that work for you.