Didn't See That Coming summary

Sometimes, a crisis is totally outside of your control. The economy shrinks and your job’s on the line. A cancer diagnosis hits you like a bolt from the blue. But there might also be times when you find yourself in a crisis in which you can’t look elsewhere for blame. Your life has been shattered because you broke it. 

Unfortunately, we all have flaws. There are times when we may find ourselves being dishonest, disloyal, angry, or even having to deal with issues like addiction. We all have the capacity to inflict trauma on ourselves and others. So, faced with that ugly truth, how do we cope with, and overcome, a crisis we have created?

Have you ever been to the city of Pisa in Italy? It’s home to the world-famous leaning tower. Now, on postcards the tower looks monumental. But in person? Well, it’s beautiful, but it’s kind of small. Underwhelming, even.

Yet this mid-sized tower is more popular with tourists than most skyscrapers, and it’s all because of “the photo.” You know the one. If the person with the camera gets the angle just right, and the person in the shot leans a certain way, it looks like they’re hugging the tower or holding it up. What’s more, it looks like the person is the same size as the tower itself.

There are different ways to react to a crisis. Some people emerge broken and damaged. Others, despite the pain, reach the other side stronger, more powerful, and more resilient than before.

We know that crisis can test people’s talents, abilities, and capacity to keep going in ways that they’ve never been tested before. So how can people have such different outcomes even when they experience similar types of trauma? And how can you make sure that you come out of your crisis stronger instead of broken?

Sometimes a crisis can shake you to your very core. A romance dissolves without warning. Your financial safety net is ripped out from beneath you. A loved one is alive one minute, and gone the next. 

In the aftermath of a significant trauma, you might feel like retreating from the world. You might want to stop answering your phone, neglect your inbox, take a leave from work, ignore household chores. And that’s fine. You need time to grieve, to process and adjust. 

What do you do when you’re having a stressful day at work? Perhaps you help yourself to an extra donut from the break room. Maybe you indulge in some retail therapy on your lunch break. Or you make a stop on the way home to pick up a bottle of wine.

Eating, shopping, and treating yourself to a glass of wine or two: these are all small pleasures that can also be effective stressbusters. But when your stress isn’t confined to one hard day at work – when you’re living under the constant stress that comes with crisis – these small comforts can turn into toxic habits.

Robert Frost once wrote that “the best way out is always through.” This is especially true when battling a traumatic event. You must work through your crisis to get to the other side so you can move on with your life. The way you conduct yourself on that journey is up to you. You can be bitter and mournful, or you can find things to smile at along the way. 

If you don’t think that’s possible, consider this. During the early twentieth century, when criminals were still publicly hanged, most would sulk as they approached the gallows. But there were some who laughed, whistled, and even told jokes as they neared their demise. This phenomenon gave birth to an expression we still use today: “gallows humor.” 

One of the worst things a crisis can do is rob you of the future you’d imagined for yourself. You expected to retire comfortably by the seaside, but one poor investment decision decimated your finances. You thought you’d grow old surrounded by sweet grandchildren, but an unexpected diagnosis cast a shadow over your plans.

Dealing with a crisis in the present tense is hard enough. Reckoning with how a crisis will alter your future? Well, that can be even tougher. But it is possible to create a different and better future in the aftermath of a crisis – with a little imagination and flexibility.