The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook summary

Lee believed that people at work didn’t like him. In fact, he was so certain of this that he ended up creating a self-fulfilling truth.

When a nice, attractive colleague asked Lee to sit with her at lunch, he accepted. But during the conversation, he spent the whole time convincing himself that she couldn’t possibly be interested in him. Because he was engaged in negative self-talk, he failed to pick up on her cues and questions. Eventually, with little input from Lee, the conversation dwindled – and his colleague never asked him to sit with her again. This ended up confirming Lee’s belief that she, like everyone else, disliked him.

Have you ever been invited to do something you wanted to do, but that also made you nervous?

Shauna was asked to give a presentation at work. She knew this was a great opportunity – and in theory, she wanted to do it. But she was extremely anxious about it. Her anxiety was the primary emotion that triggered a whole slew of secondary emotions. It sent her into a depression, which led to her feeling guilty about feeling depressed. Then she got angry and judged herself for feeling guilty.

Human beings are social creatures, and our relationships are crucial to our well-being – and status – in life. But being able to build good relationships isn’t a given. 

People who struggle with interpersonal effectiveness tend to fall in one of two categories: passive or aggressive. The passive person often goes along with whatever others want in order to avoid conflict. Passive people seem nice, easygoing, and pleasant – so why is it a problem? Well, just like you can’t judge a book by its cover, you can’t ever really know what’s going on beneath a happy exterior. Maybe the passive person is actually suffering under the weight of tremendous pressure, or maybe they’re stuck in superficial relationships because they don’t know how to actively engage.

Managing emotions can be one of life’s biggest challenges, especially if you didn’t have much guidance growing up. These emotions can leave you feeling overwhelmed – and not knowing how to manage them can lead to self-destructive behaviors. 

The good news is, Dialectical Behavior Therapy outlines four core competencies of emotional management: distress tolerance, mindfulness, emotion regulation, and interpersonal effectiveness. By learning and practicing these competencies through targeted exercises, you can grow your emotional management skills.