Ask For It summary

Picture yourself in a fancy hotel suite. Everything you need is there in your room – a comfortable king-size bed, a large TV, a handsome desk, a cushy armchair, scented candles, and so on. All except for a bathrobe. More often than not, most women would simply accept this circumstance even though they would really want that bathrobe. Why is that?

The answer was revealed in a series of studies carried out in the 1980s and 1990s. According to this research, women are more likely to believe that life is controlling them instead of the other way around. Furthermore, the studies found that women often dealt with whatever situation arose without complaint and that they believed they had no real influence on the outcome.

When you hear the word negotiation, what springs to mind? Most people think of business meetings, political debates and structured agendas. However, most negotiations occur in more informal settings.

In fact, negotiations happen every day. People use negotiation as a tool to help bring about change when the desired outcome is dependent on the cooperation of others. The implementation of change can be something as ordinary as requesting that your salad comes without croutons or something that involves a bit more discussion, such as asking for a four-day working week instead of five.

People think that being a good negotiator means you need to know how to bluff. But unless you’re a master of the poker face, there are other, less-risky skills you can use. In fact, the most powerful asset you can have during a negotiation is information.

To negotiate successfully, you need to know which requests are reasonable and which aren’t. For instance, let’s say you ask for a 15 percent raise, which your boss denies. Should you stop there? Absolutely not. Try showing your boss data stating that the average salary for your position earns 15 percent more than what you’re getting. This will surely get your boss’ attention.

When asked to focus on a specific task, it’s easy to overlook the obvious. In a well-known study, participants were asked to focus on particular details of a basketball game, which somehow distracted them from seeing a person dressed in a gorilla suit walking across the court!

Similarly, in negotiation, you might miss crucial information if you’re overly focused on your own goals.

Showing interest in others, coming up with creative solutions, listening attentively and working together are qualities that women tend to possess.

These qualities are also key to negotiation, so it stands to reason that women can become great negotiators.

By now you’ve probably gathered that women are capable of negotiating like men.

The sad reality, however, is that women still have to closely monitor the way they communicate.

A television show from 2011 called The Closer was so titled because the main character, who ran a police department, was skilled at closing elaborate criminal investigations.

Let’s dive into a few finishing moves that will make you the closer in every negotiation.