How Women Rise summary

Nobody’s perfect. So why do so many people still strive for perfection? Why do they feel the need to be pleasant, thoughtful and make others feel good at all times? Such behavior is known as the “disease to please,” and it’s particularly common among women.

Women have been conditioned to please everyone around them, both at home and in public, while men are not taught to put others first. It’s a form of socialization that starts in childhood. Research has found that, from a young age, girls are more likely to receive praise from parents and teachers for deferring to others. They’re encouraged to be obedient, helpful and agreeable. Simply, they are more likely than boys to be rewarded for being pleasant.

What’s the surest strategy for success? You might think it has something to do with putting in extra hours to master all facets of your job. But in reality, developing expertise within your current role won’t help you progress. In fact, it will keep you on the lower rungs of the career ladder.

It’s common for female professionals to feel the need to go above and beyond to be taken seriously at work. If you’re a woman working in a traditionally male-dominated industry, chances are from the moment you arrived you felt under pressure to prove your competence. Perhaps a male colleague was reluctant to have a woman on his team and you tried to gain his respect by becoming a super contributor.

Several years ago, the author attended a board meeting of a national women’s group. As the board members arrived, she observed how the men in the room who were already seated made no attempt to move when newcomers entered looking for a place to sit. The women, on the other hand, responded to each newcomer by moving to take up less space around the table. Why, she asked herself, were the women trying to make themselves smaller?

Unconsciously, women tend to minimize their presence and make themselves physically smaller in professional environments. This can be seen in the way they cross their legs, press their arms to the sides of their bodies, and keep their belongings close and neatly arranged. In contrast, men spread out as far as possible. They put their arms over the seats next to them, sit with their legs spread and their belongings scattered about.

Do you ever find yourself dwelling on past mistakes? Do you find it hard to move on mentally, even though an event is behind you? Maybe you’re constantly mulling over what went wrong, what you could have done differently or imagining how things might have been. If these thought patterns sound familiar, there’s a high chance you’re a woman.

Routinely dwelling on mistakes and regrets is known as rumination, and it’s a classic female tendency. While both sexes are equally likely to fixate on negative events in their past, men tend to deal with these thoughts by blaming others for perceived failures and excusing themselves from responsibility. By turning their regret outward, men express this feeling as anger. According to research, this is the emotion men are most comfortable expressing.

Are you a self-proclaimed perfectionist? We sell this as a positive attribute, but striving for perfection can be the very opposite. Julie Johnson is an executive professional coach. One of the most common problems she sees in clients is the struggle to overcome perfectionism. After all, perfection is an unrealistic goal. When you inevitably fail to achieve it, you can’t help but feel stressed and disappointed in yourself.

Another of Johnson’s significant findings is that – in her experience – perfectionism is an especially female problem, which has roots in childhood.