The Defining Decade summary

Who in their twentysomething years feels ready for a serious career?

While most twentysomethings aren’t at all ready, they should in fact begin working toward that goal immediately. Otherwise, if they put it off for too long, it might soon be too late.

You’re at a party, and a friend introduces you to an acquaintance of his. As you chat, this person reveals that there’s a position opening up at his company – a position you believe you’re perfect for.

Back at home, you wonder why you didn’t ask outright for more information about the job. What was holding you back?

People in their 20s are often told that they have boundless options, that they can do anything they want with their lives. But instead of generating excitement, this leads many twentysomethings to feel overwhelmed.

Fortunately, the fact is that their options are limited. If we have too many options, not only will we find making a decision difficult, but we’re actually likely to make no decision at all.

Think about how much help you got in school and university, from your parents or tutors, in planning your career. Now think about how much help you got in planning your future relationships.

Most likely, you realized that you got quite a lot of the former, but almost none of the latter.

Does marrying at 26 seem too early to you?

Increasingly, people are choosing to get married later in life. Whereas previously most people would be married by the time they were in their 20s, nowadays twentysomethings believe that by waiting until they’ve racked up some experience, they have a better chance of choosing their future husband or wife wisely.

For most twentysomethings, dating is merely a chance to have some fun, so there’s no reason to be particularly choosy. As long as you find them attractive, you’re likely to agree to go out with whoever asks.

But even though this may seem like fun at the time, it’s actually just a way to make yourself feel temporarily wanted. This approach will never lead to long-term happiness or a serious relationship.

“Should I settle down? Or should I just keep having fun while I’m still young?”

Twentysomethings often feel incapable of making decisions, as they are overwhelmed by a feeling of uncertainty. So how can people in their 20s get better at dealing with it?

Negative emotions, such as low self-esteem and a fear of failure, can be debilitating. Unfortunately, they are also a normal occurrence in our twentysomething years.

The brains of twentysomethings react more strongly to negative information than those of older adults, because, in the 20s, the emotional part of the brain is still more developed than the rational one (the frontal lobe).

For many women in their 20s, the prospect of getting pregnant and having a child is at once frightening and exciting. The uncertainty surrounding the choice of career and romantic partners is amplified tenfold when it comes to deciding whether or not it’s the right time to have a baby.

Nevertheless, you shouldn’t wait too long to decide.