Negotiation Made Simple summary

While you might think the most important skill any negotiator could have is a strong point of view or an extroverted personality, that's far from the truth. In fact, the first skill an aspiring negotiator must master is the ability to look inward. Self-awareness is your secret weapon in any negotiation, whether you're haggling at a market or discussing a promotion with your boss.

Being self-aware means having a clear-eyed understanding of yourself – knowing your strengths, weaknesses, and tendencies. It's about recognizing what makes you tick, what pushes your buttons, and how you naturally react in different situations. 

Consider the example of Zari, a software developer who always felt nervous asking for what she wanted. In team meetings, she'd often agree to take on extra work without negotiating for extra compensation. By reflecting on her behavior, Zari realized she had a fear of confrontation stemming from her childhood. She worried that speaking up would mean she wouldn’t be liked, or wasn’t a team player. This awareness allowed her to prepare strategies to manage her anxiety and assert herself more effectively. And far from rejecting or dismissing her, her colleagues actually appreciated her newfound assertiveness.

To boost your self-awareness ahead of any negotiation, start by reflecting on past ones. Think about times when you felt satisfied with the outcome of a negotiation, and times when you didn't. What was different about these situations? You might find that you behaved differently in each scenario, or that strong emotions came up.

Consider keeping a negotiation journal. After each significant interaction, jot down what happened, how you felt, and what you might do differently next time. This practice can reveal patterns in your behavior and help you identify areas for improvement.

Another powerful technique is to ask for feedback from trusted friends or colleagues. Malik, a retail manager, was surprised when a coworker mentioned he often came across as aggressive in discussions. This insight helped Malik adjust his approach, leading to more positive outcomes in both work and personal negotiations.

Self-awareness isn't about being perfect. It's about understanding yourself better so you can play to your strengths and manage your weaknesses. Maybe you're great at building rapport but struggle with numbers under pressure. Knowing this, you can prepare thoroughly with figures before entering a negotiation, freeing you to focus on relationship-building during the discussion.

As you become more self-aware, you'll find yourself better equipped to handle a wide range of negotiation scenarios. You'll be able to remain calm under pressure, adapt your style to different situations, and ultimately achieve more satisfying results for everyone.