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Zusammenfassung von Sex for One

Name: Sex for One
Rating: 4.2 (170 reviews)
Author: Betty Dodson

Betty Dodson

The Joy of Selfloving

4.2 (170 Bewertungen)

24 Min.

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Memoiren Kultur Sex

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Sex for One
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What’s in it for me? Learn how masturbation teacher and sex expert Betty Dodson embraced self-love – and how you can, too.

Masturbation is a natural part of human sexuality. And yet it remains a taboo subject, even today. Why is this? According to sex educator Betty Dodson, people – women in particular – are conditioned by society to associate masturbation with feelings of embarrassment and guilt. This is by patriarchal design. Shame kills pleasure, and when a woman takes control of her pleasure, she realizes her independence.

Dodson recognized in the 1970s that sexual healing was the path to liberation. Dodson herself didn’t begin to explore her sexuality until she was in her mid-thirties, but the breakthrough she had would go on to define her life’s work as a self-described “orgasm coach.” These blinks highlight some of Dodson’s experiences and ideas.

A warning before we begin: these blinks contain language that some might find offensive.

In these blinks, you’ll learn

how Betty Dodson started teaching masturbation workshops after her divorce;
why masturbation is like meditation; and
how you can practice an exploratory self-loving ritual at home.

Masturbation can liberate us from sexual repression.

Before Betty Dodson became a sex educator, she, like many women, believed that her sexual pleasure should come from her partner’s penis. Cultural sex-negativity had conditioned her to deny the pleasure she got from masturbation. She believed her sexuality didn’t truly exist until she had sex for the first time with a partner, at age twenty.

For the rest of her twenties, in the 1950s, Dodson’s ideas about sex were drawn from Freudian psychology and marriage manuals. The available resources on sex at the time taught her that masturbating too much was infantile behavior; mature sex meant having vaginal orgasms within a meaningful relationship. So when she fell in love and got married at age twenty-nine, she couldn’t understand why her sex life wasn’t fulfilling. She’d hoped that orgasmic sex would be part of her married life. When it wasn’t, she blamed herself.

The key message here is: Masturbation can liberate us from sexual repression.

Dodson later realized that, although she said she’d married for love, she’d really exchanged sex for economic security. She’d hoped to please her husband, but she worried he wouldn’t love her if she were honest with him about her sexual desires. The couple’s sex life worsened, and Dodson began to believe she had no value at all – since providing sex was her unspoken end of the bargain. The lack of communication and shame intensified her sexual repression. Ultimately, they divorced.

It was then that Dodson began the erotic journey that would change her life. In her first post-marital relationship, with a divorced man named Blake, she started having rampant, experimental, exploratory sex. Together they spoke honestly about sex and masturbation, discovering that communication and sharing are at the core of true intimacy – which both of their marriages lacked.

Dodson had further breakthroughs: she realized that when we limit our idea of what constitutes romantic sex, we limit our sexual satisfaction. She also realized that society programs us to feel ashamed about touching ourselves. She resolved never to give in to sexual guilt again, and began masturbating more – not less – with Blake. They even masturbated together to learn more about one another’s sexual responses.

Dodson began to regard the first time she masturbated, rather than the first time she had intercourse, as the first time she had sex. If masturbation is as monumental an experience as penetrative sex, then it must be taken seriously as a profound form of self-love, rather than disregarded as a mere substitute for “something better.” When we know what feels good for us, we build confidence, and we let go of our inhibitions with partners.

After exhibiting her erotic artwork, Dodson realized that everyone was suffering from society’s sex-negative attitudes.

Dodson was a classically trained artist who drew sensual nudes – until her sexual reawakening. Then she began to channel her erotic ideas into her artwork, exhibiting them for the first time in 1968. She fretted initially about the reception, but her large charcoal drawings of lovemaking were a hit. She sold most of them, and people engaged with the work on a personal level. Complete strangers kept approaching Dodson, eager to share their own sex histories.

She learned that women were more open to exchanging sex information with each other than men. They were eager to discuss their fears and ask questions, while men projected a cool, masculine image. Since men were expected to have sexual prowess already, they were far less willing to admit ignorance. This kept them from learning and exploring. Dodson grew convinced that women would have to be the ones to usher in freedom of sexual expression.

When we share stories and information, we raise our sexual consciousness.

Growing up, Dodson thought her genitals were deformed. One of her inner labia was shorter than the other, and she was self-conscious about it until she met Blake. He was shocked by her fears, and to demonstrate to her that she was perfectly normal, he retrieved a stack of soft-core porn magazines featuring a diversity of “split beavers” – the term then used for a woman’s genitals held open. After 30 minutes of poring over the magazines, Dodson learned for the first time how varied female genitalia could be.

A few years later, Dodson created a photography show titled “Creating an Aesthetic for the Female Genitals.” It consisted of twenty slides of her friends’ “split beavers,” and she presented it at the 1973 NOW Conference on Women’s Sexuality. Over a thousand women gave her a standing ovation. Afterward, many told her that they felt seriously changed. One woman even experienced such a self-esteem boost that she asked her boss for a raise – and got it!

Dodson started the Bodysex Workshops to offer women a holistic view of their sexuality and masturbation.

Three years of attending women’s groups made it clear to Dodson that sex was a core feminist concern. It had the power either to liberate or to enslave women. So in 1973, she and Laura decided to set up a new consciousness-raising women’s group focused on bodies and pleasure, called the Bodysex Workshops.

The highlight of every workshop was always the “Genital Show and Tell.” First, Dodson would “split her beaver” and recount her old fears of genital deformity. Then everyone else would display their genitals and air their own concerns.

Sex and orgasms are like life – there’s always more to learn.

By practicing masturbation, Dodson learned that orgasms are personal, varied, and ever-evolving. She also discovered that our mental and physical health can interfere with the flow of our sexual energy. Dodson’s early orgasms were like little hiccups because her erotic sensations were blocked by feelings of guilt, anger, and self-pity, as well as constant hangovers, lack of exercise, and bad nutrition.

But once she altered her lifestyle, made the decision to embrace sexuality, and started experimenting, her orgasms soared.

Empathy and sharing help everyone have more erotic and fulfilling sex lives – including men.

Dodson kept receiving requests to do a Bodysex Workshop for men. She said no at first, but the role reversal of being a woman teaching a group of men how to masturbate intrigued her.

She eventually agreed. But it took some trial and error before she figured out what resonated with her male attendees. For example, they didn’t speak easily about themselves or their sexual fears – they mostly spoke in abstractions. She tried to get a discussion going about penis size to little response. They were uninterested in Genital Show and Tell, since they said they’d already seen other penises in bathrooms and locker rooms.

An experimental self-loving ritual can set you on the path to sexual healing.

We all struggle with moments of low self-esteem, body shame, and insecurity about sex. But we can begin to heal these wounds by loving ourselves mindfully and exploring what turns us on. Dodson designed a ritual to this end – which you can practice in its entirety, or from which you can pick and choose different steps.

Throughout the ritual, you may want to experiment with different fantasies and props. Things like lubricant, electric massagers, vibrators, dildos, and butt plugs – or anal dildos – can accompany you on your lifelong sexual relationship with yourself. You may enjoy dressing up in something sexy – let your sexual personas emerge.

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Worum geht es in Sex for One?

Sex for One (1987) is a part-memoir, part-guidebook by Betty Dodson, a pioneering pro-sex feminist and masturbation advocate. Dodson recounts her own erotic journey and offers a step-by-step approach to embracing self-love.

Wer Sex for One lesen sollte

Anyone who masturbates
People interested in sexual politics and feminist history
Anyone who wants to learn how to embrace pleasure and sex positivity

Über den Autor

Betty Dodson, PhD, was an American sex educator, artist, and author of several books on sexuality. She received the public service award from the Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality, and the Masters and Johnson award presented by the Society for Sex Therapy and Research. She was regarded as a leading sex expert and named one of the top ten sexual revolutionaries by Cosmopolitan magazine.

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