Find Your People Buchzusammenfassung - das Wichtigste aus Find Your People

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Zusammenfassung von Find Your People

Name: Find Your People
Rating: 3.6 (52 reviews)
Author: Jennie Allen

Jennie Allen

Building Deep Community in a Lonely World

3.6 (52 Bewertungen)

19 Min.

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Freundschaft Christentum Konfliktmanagement

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Find Your People
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What’s in it for me? A practical and spiritual guide to finding and keeping the deep friendships you crave.

Are you currently struggling with feelings of loneliness? Does it seem like no one really gets what you’re going through? Like you’ve been abandoned?

First things first, don’t worry if you are – because it’s not just you. At some level, all of us have dealt with loneliness before. Maybe we touched down at an airport and realized we didn’t have anyone to call to pick us up. Maybe we’re anxious because we’re still single while our friends are all getting married. Or maybe our family is broken and unhealthy, and the dreaded holiday season is approaching.

These situations and many others can convince us we’re all alone. But that’s not true. Jennie Allen argues that the people we need could be just around the corner, and that we have the power to find them – with a strong sense of commitment and the help of God. In this Blink to Allen’s Find Your People, we’ll reveal a Christian approach to how you can find, make, and keep friends.

Do we really need friends?

Think about how you typically spend your evenings and weekends. Most of the time, you probably sit at home, either alone or with a small number of roommates or family members. You make dinner for just you. You buy everything you could possibly need, making sure to never bother your neighbors for anything. And you spend hours staring into a screen –⁠ comfortable, safe, and entertained. But also sad.

Unfortunately, this description applies to a lot of people. According to research done by the health insurance company Cigna, more than three in five Americans report being chronically lonely.

Meanwhile, you probably spend a significant amount of time wishing you had the kinds of friendships you see on your favorite TV shows –⁠ Friends, Cheers, and so on. The kind of connection where you feel comfortable randomly dropping by your friend’s place with a pizza and plates. The bond that stays strong even when you hurt each other, where you work out your issues instead of bailing.

This type of genuine, deep, forever friendship can sound like a fantasy. But in fact, it’s exactly the type of relationship we’re geared for. Jennie Allen posits that God built us to need people. That’s because God Himself exists eternally in relationship – it’s the Trinity. God is one and three at the same time: Father, Spirit, and Son. Together, these three aspects of God exist to glorify one another. He is fundamentally relational. And as creatures fashioned after His image, we are too.

Unfortunately, the enemy hates community. He seeks to divide people and prevent God’s glory from shining through. This is why fighting back and building those connections is so important. The ultimate purpose of relationship-building is to exist in a village of people fighting for and delighting in God –⁠ exactly what the enemy hates.

To find your people, Allen recommends saying a prayer to God. Close your eyes, and beg Him to help you find people that can join you in fighting against the dark. Pray to become God’s idea of community: deep, intentional, day-in and day-out connection.

In the next sections, we’ll discuss Allen’s five-pronged approach for finding your people, deepening your connections with them, and sticking it out when the going gets rough.

Find your people nearby.

What would you say is the number one reason you don’t have friends? The main explanation Allen hears people give is that they’re too busy. Instead of setting up a regular time to meet with friends, people squeeze in a lunch date here and there. Or they attend a monthly club where the conversation never really goes beyond the surface.

The reality is that this “busyness” is an illusion. Allen explains that you don’t necessarily need to spend a ton of time going out and trying to make friends –⁠ God has put lots of people into your path already. All you have to do is invite them into your life!

You need to need each other.

Jennie Allen was interviewing a friend of hers, Jessica, for a podcast one morning. During the conversation, she asked Jessica how she could be a better friend. Allen expected to hear a fairly casual response, like “Text me more often!” or “Let’s set up a weekly phone chat!” But that’s not how Jessica responded. Instead, she said, “You never need me. You never need anything from me. I want you to need me more.”

The response brought tears to Allen’s eyes. Jessica was one of her dearest friends. But she had asked for something Allen wasn’t sure she could give.

Stay accountable.

Allen’s adopted son, Cooper, was born in Rwanda. When she took him back to the village of his birth, surrogate tribal elders took it upon themselves to parent him. At one point, Cooper was showing off in front of a bunch of local kids. Pastor Fred, one of the village elders, pulled him aside. He told Cooper he was missing out on a great opportunity to learn about the other children’s lives. Even though it probably felt nice to be treated like he was special, Pastor Fred told Cooper, the other kids were special too. He had a responsibility to listen and take an interest in them, just as Jesus would have.

In Pastor Fred’s culture, it’s normal for elders to coparent people’s children. Rwandans hold each other to Jesus’s standard and let each other know when they aren’t living up to it. Whether they’re blood-related or not, everyone holds each other accountable.

Find your mission together.

Prior to the Industrial Revolution, the default community was a tight-knit one. But as jobs in cities became plentiful, people began moving to major metropolises and away from family and friends. They began valuing work over home. Instead of allowing the sun to set the pace of the day, electric lights allowed people to log twelve-plus hour workdays. Then, as city housing grew increasingly unaffordable and people began moving to suburbs, their work and home lives grew even more distinct and less connected.

Nowadays, the situation is even worse. Thanks to social media, virtual connection takes precedence over real-life connection. All the facets of our lives have become separate, with work, home, and spirituality having little to do with one another.

Do the work.

At some point in the future, sooner or later, you’re going to come to a point when you want to abandon one of the friendships you’ve made.

It’s inevitable. You will come into conflict with one of your friends –⁠ either because you’ve hurt them or they’ve hurt you. But conflict isn’t a reason to walk away from your friends. In fact, by engaging in conflict, you’re proving your commitment to the relationship. Conflict teaches you the ways in which you’re behaving badly or not loving someone well, and so it enables you to grow.

Final Summary

God built us to be in⁠ close-knit community, where we support and fight relentlessly for one another. Many of us dream of having a group of friends we can share everything with – the good and the bad. Sadly, the enemy is doing everything in his power to ensure that we remain divided and isolated. We must do our utmost to fight against him by building villages that serve as centers for spreading God’s love. To do that, we need to find and keep our people by following five simple rules: being in close proximity to one another, going deep, staying accountable, finding a shared mission, and resolving conflict.

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Worum geht es in Find Your People?

Find Your People (2022) is a Christian woman’s guide to finding, making, and keeping friends. It proposes that God wired us to be in relationships with others – that’s why we crave deep, fulfilling connections. But finding them is harder than ever in today’s hyper-connected yet hyper-lonely world. With a strong sense of commitment and the help of God, you can find your people and keep them too.

Wer Find Your People lesen sollte

Christians struggling with feelings of loneliness
Women yearning for deep, lasting sisterhood
New parents worried about maintaining their social lives

Über den Autor

Jennie Allen is a Bible teacher, the host of the podcast Made For This, and the founder of IF:Gathering, a discipleship ministry. She is also the best-selling author of Get Out of Your Head, Nothing to Prove, and Restless.

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