How to Make Your Brain Your Best Friend summary

We like to think we’re in control. But behind the scenes, it’s really our brain that’s calling the shots, influencing our thoughts and behavior while we remain, for the most part, totally unaware. 

At the same time, we need to remember that the brain absorbs details indiscriminately. It influences us, but in turn, it’s also easily influenced. So, maybe we should think more carefully about what we expose our brain to – not spend hours doom-scrolling, for instance.

In fact, our happiness and well-being are inextricably linked to what’s going on in our brains. Now, that may not sound like breaking news. But it’s worth remembering that the brain has a profound effect on every aspect of our lives, including our sense of identity.

After all, identity is no trivial matter – the beliefs we have about ourselves are the foundation of mental health. And the brain, of course, is the organ driving the search for a sense of self.

When you look at yourself in the mirror, and recognize yourself as “you,” rather than some random stranger, it’s because multiple parts of the brain are working together. For instance, you might want to thank your medial prefrontal cortex, or mPFC, which helps you to maintain a coherent sense of self.

To understand how identity is formed, let’s consider an example. Imagine one of your ancestors – a paleolithic hunter, who proudly wears a necklace with the teeth of the animals he’s killed. 

Over time, people in his community come to associate these kinds of necklaces with hunting skill. Their brains make the connection, and the necklace becomes a symbol of identity, and a way to fit in.

The important thing to note here is that the identity symbol is based on lived experience. The hunter’s necklace represents something concrete – hours of tracking and hunting animals. In other words, actual experiences – and the feelings that come with them.

Now, think of a modern-day accessory – an expensive watch, for example. Like the animal tooth necklace, the watch signifies the wearer’s identity, but it’s not quite the same. Our brains realize that there’s a difference.

In the case of the necklace, the brain’s hippocampus communicates with the mPFC. It sends a message saying, “Here you go – an identity update.” When the mPFC receives this clear signal, it’s easier to create a strong, coherent sense of self.

But in the case of the watch – and the absence of lived experiences – the brain gets a little confused. The mPFC doesn’t know how to build an identity story. And another part of the brain, the anterior insular cortex, or the ACC, says, “Hang on a minute…” The result? A sense of cognitive dissonance.

To sum up, in the modern world, many of us are suffering from an identity short circuit. If your brain is confused, so is your sense of identity.