The Urgent Life summary

Bozoma Saint John’s parents had big expectations for her life. And they didn’t include marrying a white boy and becoming a marketing executive in New York. And, yet, that is exactly what Saint John did. But she was only able to do that because she dived deep into her own intuition. And she understood that to be true to herself, she couldn’t live according to other people’s expectations. 

That may sound straightforward. However, it’s anything but. As the eldest daughter in a patriarchal Ghanaian family, Saint John wanted nothing more than to make her parents proud, and become a doctor as they wished. After all, they had made untold sacrifices to give her the opportunities she had in the U.S.  But, at the same time, she could see that a life as a strait-laced medical student would never fulfill her. So, when she finished college, she rebelled from their plan. She moved to New York and started her career in marketing — the career path that would ultimately allow her to truly express her talents. 

In the workplace, Bozoma has had to confront often being the only Black woman at the boardroom table. It’s a reality she has faced head-on as her career took her to some of the most powerful companies in the world, moving up the ranks at Spike Lee’s agency, going on to work at Pepsi and, ultimately, becoming the head of marketing at Netflix, and the first Black woman to be part of the C-suite at the company. Being the first is never easy. Saint John has had to confront racist prejudices. And defy the roles that people thought she belonged in.

How has Saint John weathered the looks, and stares and daily microaggressions? She attributes it partly to inheriting her mother’s steel, and sense of pride. In her household, their Ghanaian identity was celebrated. Her parents never tried to assimilate to American ways, even when they were the only ones who looked like them in the whole community. Her parents transmitted a powerful lesson to their kids: be proud of your difference. It makes you who you are. 

Real life is much more complex than a neat motto or catchphrase. It’s tempting to just say that you need to live according to your intuition and leave it there. But there’s more to the story. Living urgently is about listening to your internal voice and acting decisively. But it’s also about knowing when to change your mind again. 

Bozoma’s relationship with her husband, Peter, is what brought this point home. When she first met him, she couldn’t imagine sharing a life with him. As a white man, he moved through the world with so much arrogance and entitlement. She couldn’t imagine him ever being able to share her experience of being in the world. 

Bozoma Saint John may look like the epitome of a self-made woman. She arrived in New York with no connections and just a few dollars in her pocket and ascended the ranks of some of the most formidable old boys’ clubs in the United States. And, indeed, her life story can be read through the ultimate American idea of pulling yourself up by your bootstraps. 

But Saint John herself is acutely aware of how much her life has been supported and influenced by others — whether supportive “angels” she met during everyday life, or the spiritual presence of her god and ancestors. This awareness is what has powered her and given her the resilience to weather even the hardest situations. 

You should always pick up the phone. After losing her college boyfriend, Bozoma never waits to tell people she loves them and embraces every moment. Lesson two is that you should always listen to your inner voice. Bozoma defied her parents by pursuing a career in marketing, but she knew it was the right thing to do. The third lesson: live boldly! Stay resilient despite challenges you face, trust your instincts, and take chances to stand out. Lesson four: don’t be afraid of u-turns. Although Bozoma and Peter separated, they got back together after his diagnosis. Be ready to change course when needed. Lastly, lesson five: realize you’re guided along the way. Acknowledge the support you receive from others, and value the people you love.