The Status Game summary

It was supposed to be a trivial thing: single-pen desk sets given to all vice presidents at an American corporation. But one of them then upgraded to a two-pen set, and by the fourth day, every one of them had three-pen desk sets.

Everyone likes to think they’re immune to these petty displays of rank, but our brains unconsciously assess and compare other people’s status relative to ours through symbols like possessions, appearance, and behavior.

Men of noble rank used to settle their disputes by challenging each other to duels. This lasted for hundreds of years, until those they considered commoners started copying their game. Once it lost its prestige, the nobles dropped it, and dueling never recovered.

Modern society hasn’t really evolved past these prestige cues. We still revere and try to copy successful players in status games, even if their actions cause us pain. We mimic high-status people in the hope their actions will bring us success, too.

In 2018, Caren Turner angrily confronted New Jersey police officers for daring to pull over a car carrying her daughter. She flaunted her status as an ex-federal prosecutor and Port Authority commissioner, demanding the officers address her as “Commissioner.” Her bullying was caught on tape, costing Turner her job and social standing.

Her story is a classic case of dominance behavior. She used aggression to claim status and to try to influence the police officers. Dominance works; those who interrupt people or arrogantly display their knowledge still get ahead – but behavior like that doesn’t earn you goodwill. While prestige comes from freely granted admiration, dominance takes status by force or coercion.

Humiliation is the nuclear bomb of status emotions. It destroys a person's sense of self-worth. For humiliation to occur, a person must believe they deserve status, then suffer a public loss of status at the hands of someone of higher rank. Worst of all, they are denied the chance to participate in status games and exiled from their group.

Recovering requires finding a new community and rebuilding status. But some choose vengeance against the communities that rejected them. Violence often follows humiliation as people try to regain status through force. Most school shootings in the US are carried out by entitled individuals who see themselves as special, yet have experienced rejection. Their high expectations magnify the impact of humiliation.

Many of Silicon Valley’s tech entrepreneurs learned from the work of Stanford psychologist B.J. Fogg, who taught his students persuasive prompts they could use to create  and monetize apps on Facebook.

The class only lasted ten weeks, but by the end of it his students had 16 million users and had earned $1 million dollars from ads.

Many events led to World War II, but few of them had the effect that Hitler’s message had on a people who felt wounded and angered by the humiliating reparations the country had to pay as punishment for its role as aggressor in World War I.

Hitler didn’t succeed in convincing every German – but every time he made progress, he increased the stakes and tightened the game.

Sir Paul McCartney achieved every musician’s dream with the Beatles, and went on to have a successful solo career. But he didn’t like John Lennon’s name coming before his in the songwriting credits. So whenever he had the chance, he swapped them to put his name first. See? No one, no matter how successful, can win the status game.

But how do you engage in a manner that gives you success and peace?