Name: Selfish Reasons to Have More Kids
Rating: 3.7 (28 reviews)
Author: Bryan Caplan

Introduction

What’s in it for me? Find out how many kids you should have, and why relaxed parenting is no worse than the high-strung kind.

When the author told people that he had begun writing a book about selfish reasons to have more children, the most common reaction was, “Ah, because they’ll provide for you when you’re old, right?”

Actually, starting a family is not really a good investment if your goal is financial security in old age. Sure, your child may grow up to be the next Richard Branson but, on average, having kids does not pay off in this sense. In fact, a better analogy for having children is buying a high-definition television (HDTV).

No one buys a HDTV with the assumption that it will provide for them when they’re old: they buy it because of all its cool features!

And kids have a ton of cool features that make spending time with them a very fun and rewarding experience.

Then the question becomes: Is it worth the cost of the investment? The sleepless nights and tuition bills?

In these blinks, you’ll discover:

why it’s ok to let your children play video games rather than force them to take violin lessons,
why it’s actually pretty difficult to be a bad parent because ultimately what you do won’t have much influence on your kids’ academic success or adult sexual behavior, and
why kids today are much, much safer than they were in the supposedly idyllic 1950s.

Key idea 1 of 8

If you forego children, you’ll likely regret it; but having children doesn’t automatically make you happier.

Many people decide to start families and have children, but few pause to analyze the data and statistics regarding such a move. So is having children actually a good idea?

As is to be expected, the answer is not straightforward, so let’s approach it from a few different angles.

First, we can consider it from a “customer satisfaction” perspective: if a business wants to know how satisfied customers were with a purchase, it can ask them whether they’d buy the same product again. Similarly, parents can say whether they’d have their children again.

It turns out that parenthood does well in this metric. A study regarding this matter showed there is very little buyer’s remorse on parents’ behalf: 91 percent did not regret the decision to have children, claiming they’d do it all over again with each child.

On the other hand, non-buyer’s remorse seems pretty prevalent. Another survey showed that, among childless parents over the age of forty, more than two-thirds confessed they had regrets over not having had children.

In a nutshell, an overwhelming majority of parents seem to be happy with the kids they’ve got, while childless people often regret the decision later on.

A second way to analyze parenthood is by looking at overall happiness in life. The following data may seem surprising.

At first glance, parents tend to be happier than non-parents on average. But that’s because parents also tend to be older, married and church-going, and these factors in themselves are positively correlated with happiness. If these factors are compensated for otherwise, the tables turn: there’s a slightly negative correlation between having children and happiness.

However, the negative effect is very small and, after the first child, each subsequent child only adds slightly to that effect. This indicates that it’s entirely feasible to reverse it by adjusting your parenting approach and improving your own life.

Key idea 2 of 8

Modern parenting has turned kids into a heavy burden – go easier on yourself!

These days, a common reason for parents not wanting more children is their belief that “the pain outweighs the gain,” when in fact it’s the modern approach to parenting that has turned kids into such a burden for parents.

One study showed that parents today spend significantly more time on child care, i.e., focusing just on their child, than parents in 1965: fathers have doubled their efforts from three to six hours per week, while mothers have gone from ten to thirteen hours per week.

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Key idea 3 of 8

Your parenting style won’t affect your child’s adult life as much as you think.

So why do so many parents sacrifice everything for their children? The simple answer is: they worry that not doing so would ruin their children’s future.

An unfounded fear: research indicates that, in the long run, your specific parenting style doesn’t really matter.

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Key idea 4 of 8

Kids today are safer today than ever before.

One of the worst things about being a parent is worrying that something horrible could happen to your child. But parents today tend to be much more worried than they should be. Despite what the media would have you believe, kids today are safer than ever.

For example, many parents long for the “idyllic” fifties when life was supposedly good and children safe. They compare this perception to what they see on TV, where child murderers and abusers abound as if they were a common occurrence.

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Key idea 5 of 8

Contrary to popular belief, the reason for fertility rates dropping isn’t that kids are hard to raise.

One of the most common misconceptions about child rearing is that it’s so difficult that it’s driving people to have fewer and fewer babies. Let’s examine this idea:

Indeed, fertility rates are declining in many places around the world. In the fifties, American women were having on average almost four children, whereas today they have just over two. Meanwhile, the fertility rate went from 2.3 to 1.3 in Germany and plummeted from 6.8 to 2.2 in Mexico.

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Key idea 6 of 8

The rewards of parenting grow over time: don’t focus on the immediate workload.

It’s not easy to decide to have more children or not. But when you do analyze the pros and cons, make sure you don’t overemphasize the immediate negatives, like the sleepless nights, while forgetting the long-term rewards, like the pride in their accomplishments. Granted, this is easier said than done when you already have two toddlers running around raising hell and sapping your precious sleep. But remember: it won’t last forever.

When you think about what would be the “right” number of children for you, the answer is likely to change over time. As children grow, parenting becomes less exhausting and more rewarding.

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Key idea 7 of 8

More kids are good for society.

One popular argument against having children is the danger of global overpopulation. But actually, having more people can also make the world a better place.

Why?

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Key idea 8 of 8

If you want more grandchildren, support your children in their parenting and reward them for each grandchild they have.

If you’re starting to think that having children is a pretty good deal, wait until you get grandchildren! They’re cute and playful just like your own kids, but with the crucial difference that you can send them home whenever you need a break. Sounds like a pretty good deal, right?

So how can you increase the probability of having grandchildren?

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Selfish Reasons to Have More Kids summary