Radically Happy summary

One of the authors, Phakchok Rinpoche, grew up in the Tibetan Buddhist tradition. In accordance with Tibetan custom, he was chosen as the latest incarnation of a great and highly respected meditation instructor. This meant Rinpoche had many expectations and obligations foisted upon him. But instead of accepting them graciously, Rinpoche became increasingly angry. He blew off steam by engaging in debates with fellow students, while he secretly fantasized about beating them up.

Eventually, Rinpoche decided he needed to speak with one of his meditation instructors about his feelings. He asked what he should do about all of his anger and aggression. The teacher’s response? “Stop behaving like a dog. Behave like a lion!”

Think of the best party host you know. What does that person do when one of her guests is being disruptive and causing a ruckus?

Truly great hosts won’t try to argue with a belligerent guest or kick him out of the party. Instead, they’ll find something for the guest to do – they’ll offer him his favorite drink, a really tasty bite to eat, or an especially comfy chair. This gives the guest some way to occupy himself, relax, and calm down.

Erric Solomon, the other of the authors, had a grandfather whose early life was rocky and turbulent. As a young child, he escaped the pogroms in Belarus and fled to St. Petersburg, Russia. But he never spoke much about those years. Instead, he focused on how grateful he was that his experiences led him to the United States, where he eventually met his wife.

Most people will never have to deal with circumstances as extreme as having to flee from persecution. But the moral of the story is this: Instead of dwelling on whatever is bad in our lives, we can focus on the things we’re grateful for. 

Meditation is a great –⁠ if slightly contrived –⁠ way to familiarize yourself with being in the present moment. However, it comes with a slight danger. If you can focus on the present only when you’re meditating, you’re still depending on particular circumstances to make you happy. And you already know that circumstances can’t really make you happy!

So it’s very important to be able to bring your awareness of the present moment into your ordinary, everyday experiences, too. That way, you’ll be able to break free of your stressful thoughts and feelings and cultivate non-distraction, no matter what circumstances you find yourself in. This is where mindful mini-breaks come in: short periods when you can stop what you’re doing, drop everything, and be present.

What do you think would make you consider your life satisfying and successful?

This is a big question, and it was the subject of a landmark Harvard study that followed the lives of 268 men over 75 years. The study came to the conclusion that the men who enjoyed warm relationships during their lives were by far the most likely to consider their lives successful. These men also lived longer, made more money, and had better marriages. The director of the study summed it up like this: “Happiness is love. Full stop.”

Next time you’re having a meal, reflect on the food sitting on the plate in front of you. Envision the many people who contributed to you being able to eat that meal. Think of the employees at the store where you bought the food, the truck driver who drove it to the store, and the farmer who grew it.

Then, consider how the web extends even further. How did all the people you’re thinking of –⁠ the store clerk, the truck driver, and so on –⁠ get to where they were? Someone had to have raised the truck driver, another person had to have assembled her truck, and still another person constructed the road she was driving on. Find as many connections as you can.

It’s no secret: our brains are big judging machines. When we meet people for the first time, we start making judgments about them almost immediately. According to various studies, this happens within a few milliseconds. And a few short seconds after that, our judgments have already solidified –⁠ they’re very difficult to change, even in the face of contradictory evidence.

You can probably recall times when you judged people harshly, only to realize later that they weren’t actually as horrible as you thought. Unfortunately, our tendency to judge gets in the way of cultivating warm relationships with others.

So you’ve been practicing focusing on the present moment, working toward basic happiness. And you’ve been cultivating warmth in an effort to obtain interconnected happiness. But aren’t these blinks about radical happiness –⁠ a happiness that can stay with you no matter what circumstances you’re in?

Well, radical happiness is the natural byproduct of basic happiness and interconnected happiness. Radical happiness is breaking free of your habitual patterns of thinking and feeling, no matter how they manifest. By doing this, you are cultivating the quiet sense of confidence and self-respect that leads to dignity – the core of radical happiness.