Let's Talk summary

Once you know what you want to accomplish with your feedback, you need to make sure you’re approaching it with the right mindset. Too often, attempts at giving feedback fall short because your mindset acts as a barrier to winning the trust of the person you’re talking to. 

And trust is critical: would you take advice from someone if you didn’t think he had your best intentions at heart? Of course not. So when it comes time to start a conversation with an employee, make sure you have a mindset that will allow you to form a connection. In order to achieve this, you’ll need to avoid three common mindset traps. 

The road to ineffective feedback is paved with good intentions. Most people want the best for their employees, but something goes wrong when it’s time to actually give feedback and it ends with a frustrated boss, an employee who feels attacked, and a problem that hasn’t been solved. 

So how do you convert those good intentions into a positive outcome? Put simply, you have to make them known. No matter how strongly you want to do good, you won’t do any if you aren’t open and vocal about wanting your employee to succeed. Don’t assume it’s obvious, and don’t worry if it feels like overkill: start out by letting her know, I’m in your corner.

Here’s the dirty little secret of giving effective feedback: what to say and how to say it is the easy part. The really difficult part about giving feedback is listening. 

No matter what the job, the people best at it are the best listeners. This doesn’t only apply to jobs where the importance of listening is obvious, like doctors and sales reps. Managers at fast-food chains who listen well also report fewer accidents at their franchises. 

Giving out positive recognition is one of the best parts of being a manager – it makes both giver and receiver feel good, it motivates continued good work, and it’s just fun. After all, who doesn’t like to be praised?

It shouldn’t come as a surprise, then, that the first bit of advice for giving effective praise is to do it more. On the whole, people don’t feel like they get praised enough. In fact, a 2011 Globoforce survey found that only one in four US workers believe they get enough praise at work. 

If you’ve ever gotten a “we need to talk” email from a supervisor, you know that negative feedback is intensely stressful and threatening. Research has shown that this stress actually impairs cognitive function. The rush of stress hormones inhibits the brain’s ability to recall memories and think about multiple concepts. 

Unfortunately, being a manager means that sometimes you’ll simply need to have difficult conversations. This is when you need to be extra attentive to how you approach your employee. When you're addressing poor performance, the principles of listening and forming a personal connection become more important than ever.

Variety may be the spice of life, but when it comes to giving feedback, you want to avoid surprises at all costs. There’s no quicker way to alienate and stress your employees than hitting them with an evaluation that doesn’t align with how they thought they were doing. 

Preventing this is pretty simple: check in with your team regularly. Don’t worry if you think you’re being redundant or obvious – it’s far more important that everyone knows where they stand at all times. Not only does this make your employees happier, but it also makes your job easier as well, by allowing you to nip issues in the bud before they become major problems.