How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk summary

You know when your child simply won’t listen and you snap, letting the anger get the better of you? As you’ve probably noticed, your irate response doesn’t get your child to stop what she’s doing. You can shout, use sarcasm, threaten or command, but they all have the same result – the child won’t listen. She’ll reciprocate by becoming more angry herself.

So, when this happens, what’s the best way to go about it?

Sometimes trying to get your child to do something you want is like banging your head against a brick wall. He simply refuses to listen or he rebels against your advice. These situations can be so infuriating that it feels like the only choice we have is to punish him for his repeated offences!

Yet punishment only leads to anger, and it actually hinders future progress.

Kids must eventually grow up and become self-sufficient, responsible adults. We all know this, so why does it hurt when you need to let them go? How will they know when to come home? Or what’s appropriate to say or do or wear in the outside world?

Sure, your child is not supposed to become a replica of you, but even so, watching him struggle to make his own choices isn’t exactly comfortable. Think about watching your child wrestling with his shoelaces – it’s so much easier to just bend down and do it for him!

We’ve explored better communication and fostering independence, but there is one final step: Learning to praise and talk about your child’s behavior.

Praising is a cinch, right? Your kid has done great, so just say it! But praise is also needed to develop self-esteem, so it can actually get a little tricky. Well-intentioned praise can sometimes evoke unexpected reactions such as anxiety or denial, or it may even be seen as manipulative. You should therefore be able to praise in the most helpful way possible.