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Zusammenfassung von Thanks for the Feedback

Name: Thanks for the Feedback
Rating: 4.4 (156 reviews)
Author: Douglas Stone, Sheila Heen

Douglas Stone, Sheila Heen

The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well

4.4 (156 Bewertungen)

15 Min.

Kurz zusammengefasst

Thanks for the Feedback by Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen is a self-help book that teaches you how to receive and use feedback effectively. It offers practical strategies for dealing with different types of feedback and turning it into an opportunity for growth.

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What’s in it for me? Learn how to give and receive the best feedback.

Which is the better feedback? When your boss sits you down and tells you what’s wrong with your work and how it can be fixed, or when he throws it at your face and calls you useless?

We probably all know that we should give people constructive feedback. And anyone who has experienced bad feedback will know that it is unhelpful and hurtful. But how can we ensure that the feedback we give is constructive and inoffensive?

These blinks show you how. They provide you with the knowledge you need not only to pass on the best, most productive feedback, but also to ensure that you receive the same level of evaluation from others.

In these blinks you’ll discover

why the way we receive certain types of feedback is determined by our genes;
why we all think we are in the top ten percent of managers; and
how bad feedback can ruin a relationship.

There are three main types of feedback, and they serve different purposes.

Have you ever gotten back an exam paper with a grade on it and asked yourself, “What do I make of this?” The grade might tell you where you stand, but it doesn’t help you if you want to know how to improve. It’s just the wrong kind of feedback.

There are three main types of feedback that actually work: appreciation, coaching and evaluation.

They each have different functions. Appreciation motivates and encourages, coaching helps you improve, and evaluation helps you understand where you stand, and what’s expected of you.

Before a basketball game, your coach might give you a pep talk – that’s him coaching you. During the match he might encourage you from the sideline, by saying “nice shot” or “keep it up.” After the game, he will probably evaluate your team’s strengths and weaknesses, so you’ll know how best to continue training.

Different situations call for different types of feedback. When you’ve already given your best and feel exhausted, it is important to be appreciated for your effort. In this situation, it wouldn‘t help much to be coached on doing things better.

On the other hand, when you’re in trouble and actually need coaching, some cheerful appreciation like “you’re doing just fine” won’t help either. You need to learn what kind of feedback will help you in which situations, so you can go seek it out.

So tune into your needs and wants. If you want to write better papers in the future, ask your professor for some pointers. Then you can improve by listening to their feedback.

Learn to identify what feedback you need. It’ll be much easier to get it.

Understand your feedback, so you can know how to respond to it.

We’ve all been through this: someone tells you what you’re doing wrong, but you know that they’re the one who’s really wrong. If we feel this way about someone’s feedback, we often just ignore it. But sometimes feedback like this isn’t “wrong” – we just don’t understand it.

Try to understand the intentions of the person giving you feedback before you become defensive. Look for key points in the feedback you’re receiving.

Feedback is the key to seeing your blind spots.

Have you ever impersonated someone, only to hear that person say, “I don’t do that,” while everyone else laughs and agrees with you? We’re often surprised to hear how others perceive us.

We literally don’t see ourselves the way others do. We can’t see how our facial expressions give away a lot more than we think they might.

Relationships play a big role in the way we interpret feedback.

Have you ever wondered why it’s easy to accept some people’s criticism, while others make you angry or dismissive?

The relationship we have with the person giving us feedback influences the way we interpret their opinions.

Relationships can create tension for giving and receiving feedback.

Tension often occurs because people are simply different. You like to relax after dinner, while I want to get the dishes done right away. That’s just how we are, right?

Sometimes we have to take a step back to see what influences our relationships. This makes it easier to accept feedback and change our behavior for the better.

Our brain wiring and emotions affect the way we analyze feedback.

Have you ever noticed how some people take feedback much better than others? Part of the way in which we accept feedback is based on our brain wiring.

Our genes define our default level of well-being. Some people are just naturally happier than others. Studies have shown that genes – rather than life experiences – cause at least 50 percent of these differences. People also have different ranges of emotions – some people are more emotional in general.

Establish a “growth mentality” so you can handle feedback well.

You’ve probably been in this situation: someone starts criticizing you, and you get defensive and angry. Aside from our genes, what other factors make us perceive feedback as a threat? Well, it’s also about our attitude.

We often simplify our identity to an “all or nothing” label, like “I’m a good person” or “I’m a hard worker.” These labels don’t allow for much flexibility.

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Worum geht es in Thanks for the Feedback?

Thanks for the Feedback is about learning from people and experiences, whether at home or at work. It sheds light on different types of feedback and their importance, and how you can take any kind of feedback in a positive, constructive way and use it to better yourself in your career and relationships.

Bestes Zitat aus Thanks for the Feedback

Fact: Strangers give the best feedback. It is easier to take feedback from someone without any ulterior motives.

—Douglas Stone, Sheila Heen

Wer Thanks for the Feedback lesen sollte

Anyone interested in self-development
Anyone interested in coaching and managing people
Anyone interested in the psychology of giving and receiving feedback

Über den Autor

Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen are lecturers at Harvard Law School and the co-founders of Triad Consulting, which has advised big names from BAE Systems to HSBC. They are also the authors of Feedback: Evaluation Challenge.

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Kommunikation & Soft Skills

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