Coach Yourself Confident summary

Although self-doubt is a natural part of the human experience, you can pay a hefty price for it if not managed effectively. The self-doubt tax, as Julie Smith calls it, manifests in two distinct but interconnected ways: missed opportunities and exhaustion from overcompensation.

When self-doubt whispers in your ear, its message is simple yet destructive: “Stay safe, stay small.” This conservative approach might protect you from potential failures, but it also prevents you from reaching for opportunities that could lead to significant growth. Consider Oliver, a skilled professional who rarely spoke up in meetings. His high internal standards silenced him, causing him to miss chances to influence decisions and showcase his expertise. Like Oliver, many people set bars so high that they sideline themselves, paying a tax on unfulfilled potential.

When we talk about building confidence, the goal isn’t to max out the meter but to find that Goldilocks zone – just the right amount. Imagine confidence as a perfectly tailored suit: it fits just right, enhancing your strengths without overstating them, and it’s comfortable enough to wear daily without feeling restricted by self-doubt. This balancing act is what’s called humble confidence, where your perception of your abilities aligns beautifully with reality.

The word humble comes from the Latin humus, meaning “earth,'” suggesting that humble confidence is deeply grounded. It’s about knowing what you excel at and being excellent in the areas where you’re not the expert. It involves recognizing your past hurdles and understanding that if push comes to shove, you’re equipped to handle future challenges, too.

It’s a familiar scene: a friend or colleague insists, “You should be more confident!” They list off your strengths, each one seemingly obvious to them but not to you. If you've ever wondered why their words don't quite stick, it might be because of what’s called faulty calibration.

Essentially, your self-assessment isn’t lining up with reality. So let’s see how you can tweak that calibration so your confidence truly matches what you’re capable of.

Have you ever noticed how confidence can be a shape-shifter, fully present one minute and completely gone the next, especially right before a big challenge? To build a solid, lasting confidence, you really need to get a handle on what Smith refers to as confidence saboteurs.

So what are they? Well, they’re the sneaky internal voices that drain your self-belief just when you need it most. Author and counselor Craig D. Lounsbrough hit the nail on the head when he said, “I decry the injustice of my wounds, only to look down and see that I am holding a smoking gun in one hand and a fistful of ammunition in the other.” So, most of these saboteurs hang out in your mind, which is actually great news: it means you’ve got the power to kick them out.