Love & Respect Buchzusammenfassung - das Wichtigste aus Love & Respect

Einleitung anhören

00:00

Zusammenfassung von Love & Respect

Name: Love & Respect
Rating: 3.8 (311 reviews)
Author: Emerson Eggerichs

Emerson Eggerichs

The Love She Most Desires, the Respect He Desperately Needs

3.8 (311 Bewertungen)

18 Min.

Themen

Ehe Konfliktmanagement Christentum Liebe

Inhaltsübersicht

Love & Respect
in 5 Kernaussagen verstehen

Audio & Text in der Blinkist App

Kernaussage 1 von 5

What’s in it for me? Improve your marriage by learning how to give and receive the love and respect you and your spouse need.

Dr. Emerson Eggerichs had already spent years counseling married couples and studying the Bible when the lightning-bolt revelation finally hit him: the key to helping spouses in crisis was held in the words he’d been studying. Specifically, it was in Ephesians 5:33. “Each one of you (husbands) must also love his wife, and the wife must respect her husband.”

Needing love in a marriage isn’t a new concept. Eggerichs had been preaching love, love, and more love to the couples he counseled, but he knew something was missing. He found it in the context of Ephesians 5:33.

Eggerichs’s revelation is that the Bible is telling husbands to love their wives because love, specifically, is what wives crave most. And it’s telling wives to respect their husbands because respect is what husbands crave most. Yes, both partners need both love and respect to some degree, some men want love more than they want respect, and some women want respect more than they need love. But for the most part, what Eggerichs has observed during his years of counseling, and what Ephesians tells us, is that love is the primary need for women and respect is the primary need for men.

In this Blink, we’ll see what happens when those needs aren’t met. But don’t worry, throughout the process husbands will learn how to show their wives the love they desire, and wives will learn to show their husbands the respect they covet. When they do, bad marriages can become good, good marriages can turn great, and great marriages can get even better.

The crazy cycle

He’s forgotten their wedding anniversary before, but this year he remembered to make dinner reservations and buy a present, and he just made a quick stop to get her a card. He’s excited about their night together, and so is she.

She’s ready when he arrives home, and her eyes light up when she sees the present and card. Until she opens it. It’s a birthday card.

Her face drops. She makes a comment about how he’d never buy the wrong part for his beloved car, but he can’t pick the right card for his wife. Shows what he really cares about.

He can’t believe it. He tried so hard, and all she can focus on is the one little thing he got wrong. He snaps back. He’s glad he got the wrong card if she’s going to have that kind of attitude, and then he storms out of the room.

In a matter of minutes, this couple went from a romantic anniversary together to a sullen night alone in separate rooms. Why?

“Angry exchanges are caused when the husband appears careless, depriving his wife of love, and when the wife reacts with criticism and complaints that are vehement, depriving the husband of respect,” Eggerichs writes in Love and Respect.

That, in a nutshell, is what Eggerichs calls “The Crazy Cycle.” Husbands act unlovingly toward their wives, often without meaning to, but love is what wives want most from their husbands. So, being deprived of their greatest need, wives tend to question their husbands, which is their way of reaching out for love, but this can be interpreted by husbands as disrespectful, and respect is what husbands want most from their wives. So, being deprived of their greatest need, husbands tend to shut down, which is their way of doing the honorable thing and not fighting with their wives in a moment of hostility, but it can come across as unloving, and love is what wives want most from their husbands. So … The Crazy Cycle starts all over. Again and again.

This theory is based on Eggerichs’s years of experience as a marriage counselor, scientific research done by other couples therapists, and, most importantly, a verse from the Bible’s New Testament, Ephesians 5:33, which we already mentioned: “Each one of you (husbands) must also love his wife, and the wife must respect her husband.”

Lacking love and respect, couples can get dizzy spinning on The Crazy Cycle. But if they connect with Love and Respect, they can stop the spinning before it gets out of control.

The love and respect connection

To break The Crazy Cycle, husbands must connect to their wives with love, and wives must connect to their husbands with respect. Ideally, that happens simultaneously. Realistically, someone has to go first, but who should it be?

Before we get to that answer, let’s be clear about what not to do. Don’t say, “I need your respect/love, so start respecting/loving me and then I’ll give you the love/respect you need.” That attitude is unloving and disrespectful, and it’ll trigger a negative reaction. Plus, it puts all the responsibility on one partner to supply both the love and respect in the relationship, which will probably make them shut down.

C-O-U-P-L-E

Imagine your wedding picture torn in half, you on one side and your spouse on the other. This is what happens when conflict deteriorates a relationship. Most wives then see it as their mission to tape the picture back together. They want to COUPLE.

This is where Eggerichs got the name for his C-O-U-P-L-E principles, an acronym that stands for Closeness, Openness, Understanding, Peacemaking, Loyalty, and Esteem. Husbands can follow these principles to give their wives the kind of love they want. And when wives follow the C-H-A-I-R-S principles detailed in the next section, the couple gets off The Crazy Cycle and gets on The Energizing Cycle. This is where his love leads to her respect, which leads to more of his love, which leads to more of her respect – and around and around it goes.

C-H-A-I-R-S

Just like husbands can learn to show their wives unconditional love with the C-O-U-P-L-E principles, wives can learn to show their husbands unconditional respect with the C-H-A-I-R-S principles – Conquest, Hierarchy, Authority, Insight, Relationship, and Sexuality.

The term “unconditional respect” is critical for the Love and Respect Connection, even though it may sound like an oxymoron since respect usually needs to be earned. But when it comes to spouses, especially husbands, Eggerichs believes unconditional respect is a requirement. You can do this with vocal tone, facial expression, and overall attitude. Again, this doesn’t mean you respect and condone all of your husband’s behavior, it just means you treat him respectfully, even during conflict.

Final Summary

Developing the Love and Respect Connection can help resolve marital conflict, increase understanding between spouses, and energize relationships.

Giving wives the unconditional love they need, and husbands the unconditional respect they need, can be tricky. Men and women can see the world through different lenses and speak in what seem like different languages. It takes time, effort, and patience to work through those differences, discover what truly affects your spouse, and build the Love and Respect Connection so you can get off The Crazy Cycle and ride The Energizing Cycle.

Du möchtest die gesamte Zusammenfassung von Love & Respect sehen?

Kernaussagen in Love & Respect

Mehr Wissen in weniger Zeit

Sachbücher auf den Punkt gebracht

Kernaussagen aus Sachbüchern in ca. 15 Minuten pro Titel lesen & anhören mit den „Blinks”

Zeitsparende Empfehlungen

Titel, die dein Leben bereichern, passend zu deinen Interessen und Zielen

Podcasts in Kurzform ^Neu

Kernaussagen wichtiger Podcasts im Kurzformat mit den neuen „Shortcasts”

Worum geht es in Love & Respect?

Love & Respect (2012) uses biblical scripture, the author’s experience as a marriage counselor, and insight from other relationship therapists to help couples connect. By following the principles it lays out, husbands and wives learn to show each other the kind of love and respect they both crave. In the process, conflicts get resolved and marriages become energized.

Wer Love & Respect lesen sollte

Married couples who want to remain happily married
Divorcees trying to heal
Engaged couples

Über den Autor

Dr. Emerson Eggerichs is a former pastor, international public speaker, and best-selling author with a master’s degree in divinity from Dubuque Seminary and a doctorate in child and family ecology from Michigan State University. He and his wife, Sarah, developed the Love and Respect Conference, which they present around the United States.

Kategorien mit Love & Respect

Religion & Glaube Liebe & Sex

Ähnlich wie Love & Respect

30 Lessons for Loving

Karl Pillemer

Advice from the Wisest Americans on Love, Relationships and Marriage

The Secret to Love That Lasts

20 min

4.5

The Meaning of Marriage

Timothy Keller with Kathy Keller

Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God

Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage

18 min

3.7

Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends on It

Kamal Ravikant

How the Simple Act of Self-Love Can Transform Your Life

What If God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy?

21 min

3.2

The Overthinking In Relationships Fix

Rodney Noble

Toxic Thoughts That Can Destroy Your Relationship And How To Fix Them

17 min

4.3

The Five Core Conversations for Couples

David Bulitt and Julie Bulitt

Expert Advice about How to Develop: Effective Communication, a Long-Term Financial Plan, Cooperative Parenting Strategies, Mutually Satisfying Sex, and Work-Life Balance

15 min

4.3

Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus

John Gray

A Practical Guide for Improving Communication and Getting What You Want in Your Relationships

20 min

4.5

Everything I Know about Love

The 7 Things Resilient People Do Differently (And How They Can Help You Succeed in Business and Life)

An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones

The Secret to Achieving More with Less

18 min

4.4

Sex at Dawn

Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jethá

How we mate, why we stray, and what it means for modern relationships

22 min

4.2

13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do

Amy Morin

Take Back Your Power, Embrace Change, Face Your Fears and Train Your Brain for Happiness and Success

Reflections on the Principles of a Course in Miracles

17 min

4.3

The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex

Sheila Wray Gregoire

Creating a Marriage That's Both Holy and Hot

How to Win at Dating, Marriage, and Sex

23 min

3.0

The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook

Matthew McKay

Practical DBT Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation, and Distress Tolerance

15 min

4.6

The Love Prescription

John Gottman & Julie Schwartz Gottman

Seven Days to More Intimacy, Connection, and Joy

The Power of Introverts in a World that Can’t Stop Talking

21 min

4.4

The Resilient Founder

Mahendra Ramsinghani

Lessons in Endurance from Startup Entrepreneurs

11 min

Loving Your Spouse When You Feel Like Walking Away

Gary Chapman

Real Help For Desperate Hearts in Difficult Marriages

21 min

4.1

The Miracle of Mindfulness

Thich Nhat Hanh

An Introduction to the Practice of Meditation

How To Stay Crazy In Love When Your Love Drives You Crazy

20 min

3.9

How to Read a Financial Report

John A. Tracy and Tage C. Tracy

Essential Information for Entrepreneurs, Lenders, Investors, Analysts, and Management

15 min

4.3

It Didn't Start With You

Mark Wolynn

How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End The Cycle

13 min

4.2

The Art of Manifesting

Carolyn Boyes

Tap into the power of the universe to live your best life

The Science of Creating Heaven on Earth

Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists

16 min

2.8

The Ultimate Retroactive Jealousy Cure

Jeff Billings

How to Stop Being Jealous of Your Partner's Past in 12 Steps

The Art of Debating, Persuading, and Public Speaking

The Japanese Art of Making Peace with Your Money

15 min

4.4

You Can Thrive After Narcissistic Abuse

Melanie Tonia Evans

The #1 System for Recovering from Toxic Relationships

21 min

4.7

The Great Money Reset

Jill Schlesinger

Change Your Work, Change Your Wealth, Change Your Life

17 min

3.9

You Can Fix Your Brain

Dr. Tom O'Bryan

Just 1 Hour a Week to the Best Memory, Productivity, and Sleep You've Ever Had

Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love

That Little Voice in Your Head

Mo Gawdat

Adjust the Code That Runs Your Brain

A Mindful Approach to Nonviolent Communication

Knowing When to Give It, When to Withhold It, How to Earn It, and How to Fix It When It Gets Broken

Opening Ourselves to Real Love and Intimacy

Your Guide to the Most Successful Approach to Building Loving Relationships

15 min

4.3

The Argument Hangover

Jocelyn Freeman and Aaron Freeman

Empowering Couples to Fight Smarter and Overcome Communication Pitfalls

17 min

4.6

Mastering Communication at Work

Ethan F. Becker and Jon Wortmann

How to Lead, Manage, and Influence

Upgrade Your Brain, Learn Anything Faster, and Unlock Your Exceptional Life

From Effectiveness to Greatness

Seven Ways to Unlock Your Heart and Manifest Happiness

25 min

4.5

Mindful Self-Discipline

Giovanni Dienstmann

Living with Purpose and Achieving Your Goals in a World of Distractions

18 min

4.5

Never Split the Difference (New Version)

Chris Voss and Tahl Raz

Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It

19 min

4.5

❤️ für Blinkist️️️

Ines S.

Ich bin begeistert. Ich liebe Bücher aber durch zwei kleine Kinder komme ich einfach nicht zum Lesen. Und ja, viele Bücher haben viel bla bla und die Quintessenz ist eigentlich ein Bruchteil.

Genau dafür ist Blinkist total genial! Es wird auf das Wesentliche reduziert, die Blinks sind gut verständlich, gut zusammengefasst und auch hörbar! Das ist super. 80 Euro für ein ganzes Jahr klingt viel, aber dafür unbegrenzt Zugriff auf 3000 Bücher. Und dieses Wissen und die Zeitersparnis ist unbezahlbar.

Ekaterina S.

Extrem empfehlenswert. Statt sinnlos im Facebook zu scrollen höre ich jetzt täglich zwischen 3-4 "Bücher". Bei manchen wird schnelle klar, dass der Kauf unnötig ist, da schon das wichtigste zusammen gefasst wurde..bei anderen macht es Lust doch das Buch selbständig zu lesen. Wirklich toll

Nils S.

Einer der besten, bequemsten und sinnvollsten Apps die auf ein Handy gehören. Jeden morgen 15-20 Minuten für die eigene Weiterbildung/Entwicklung oder Wissen.

Julia P.

Viele tolle Bücher, auf deren Kernaussagen reduziert- präzise und ansprechend zusammengefasst. Endlich habe ich das Gefühl, Zeit für Bücher zu finden, für die ich sonst keine Zeit habe.