Name: How to be Love(d)
Rating: 4.6 (169 reviews)
Author: Humble the Poet

What’s in it for me? Learn to let love flow.

Humble the Poet is many things – an artist, a rapper, a poet, an author, a former school teacher, and a Canadian Punjabi. But there’s one thing he’s not – a relationship expert.

In fact, just a few weeks before he started writing his guide on love, he went through a terrible breakup with his now ex-fiancée.

So why should you care about his advice on love?

Well, because love isn’t a destination, it’s a path. It requires you to keep moving, even after you discover you’ve jogged down a dead end. So, who better to guide you on this path than someone who’s taken a few wrong turns himself?

Love isn’t a noun, it’s a verb.

In books and movies, love is often the end. The girl gets the boy, the family is reunited, the best friends finally get married. These are happy endings, sure, but they still leave people with nowhere to go. Love is viewed as the ultimate goal. But then what?

In real life, too, we’ve come to treat love like it’s the finish line of a race. To be honest, that’s how we treat most things related to our happiness. Once we can get over this imagined finish line – whether that’s landing our dream job or finding a partner – we think we’ll finally be happy. And if we’re not there yet, we tell ourselves it’s because we still haven’t done enough. Or worse, because we still aren’t enough. Psychologist Robert Holden calls this “destination addiction.”

But love, like happiness, isn’t a destination; it’s a path. Once you start “doing” love instead of chasing it down, you’ll realize that it’s everywhere around you.

There’s “Small L” love like our love for ice cream or football games. And then there’s “Big L” love like our love for our grandma’s wrinkly hands or our partner’s silly laugh.

It’s important to distinguish the two because you don’t want to mistake one for the other. Small L love is like a delicious little treat. It’s all about pleasure and immediate gratification and it doesn’t take a lot of effort to acquire. But Big L love is the nutritious meal that everyone is hungry for. It’s the kind of love that feels deep and life-changing, and that gives you peace and connection.

Big L love is what you should aim for in your relationships with yourself, your family, and your partner. But Big L love is no “happily ever after.” It’s more of a “happily continuing to work on it.” Big L love takes regular, deliberate, and ongoing effort to sustain.

For example, it requires honest communication with yourself and others. What do you really want? How can you meet your needs? And how can your partner help meet them? Don’t wait for your partner to stumble upon the answer – that just leads to frustration and resentment. If you love someone, tell them how you want to be loved.

And more importantly: make a conscious effort to love your partner how they want to be loved. Because you’ll only feel as much love as you give.

To receive more love, start giving more.

Think about the people you love most in your life. Your partner, your mom, your best mate, whoever it may be. Now consider this: you don’t really love them. What?

You heard right. Our concept of “loving someone” suggests that love is like a telephone line from A to B. It implies that your love can only reach a specific person and that the call only gets through when they pick up the phone. But remember what it’s like to be freshly in love? Those feelings of euphoria, excitement, and giddiness aren’t caused by, or limited to a specific person – the love comes from deep within you and it spills all over the place. That’s also why you can feel love for people that are no longer with you. Love isn’t a telephone line, it’s an ocean.

Love means loving it all.

Everyone knows the vicious little voice that tells them that they’re not yet good enough to be loved. All they have to do is become perfect – get washboard abs, make six figures, and resolve all of their traumas – and then they’ll finally be deserving of love.

You see the problem, right?

Final Summary

Love isn’t a destination, but a path. If you want to find it, you simply have to tune into it. That means practicing it on yourself – by being honest, holding yourself accountable, and embracing your progress. It also means giving it away – loving people despite their imperfections, listening to them, and meeting them where they are.

If you practice love the verb instead of chasing love the noun, you’ll find that you’re already surrounded by it.

Kernaussagen in How to be Love(d)

Worum geht es in How to be Love(d)?

How to be Love(d) (2022) teaches you how to transform your thoughts and actions to give, receive, and experience more love in life. Full of relatable stories and actionable advice, this guide will teach you how to rid yourself of useless programming, embrace imperfection, and honor your progress – so you can better love yourself and others.

Über den Autor

Humble The Poet, also known as Kanwer Singh, is a Canadian-born artist, rapper, and social media personality. A former elementary school teacher, his books Unlearn and Things No One Else Can Teach Us have become international best sellers. His work has been featured in the New York Times, BuzzFeed, Vogue, Rolling Stone, and Huffington Post among others.