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Zusammenfassung von Emotional First Aid

Name: Emotional First Aid
Rating: 4.4 (229 reviews)
Author: Guy Winch

Guy Winch

Healing Rejection, Guilt, Failure, and Other Everyday Hurts

4.4 (229 Bewertungen)

21 Min.

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Emotional First Aid
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What’s in it for me? Strengthen yourself against everyday emotional hurts.

Being human means we’re susceptible to cuts, sprains, bruises, and other mild injuries. As a result, most homes are equipped with some kind of first aid kit, or, at the very least, bandaids and painkillers. We know that the small injuries we regularly sustain need immediate attention, and we’ve been taught exactly how to tend to them.

But what about common emotional injuries like rejection, failure, or low self-esteem? Left untreated, they can lead to bigger psychological problems, but we’ve never been taught which emotional bandaids or painkillers to use. That’s where these blinks come in. They dive into the emotional hurts we all experience, and provide ways to treat them and ensure they don’t do more harm than necessary.

In these blinks, you’ll learn

the right way to apologize;
how to respond to the F-word; and
what the flu and self-esteem have in common.

Reaffirm yourself to prevent minor rejections from doing serious harm.

Do you remember the first time you were rejected? Perhaps you weren’t picked for a team at school or didn’t get invited to a party. Whatever your first experience of rejection was, one thing’s for sure, it wasn’t your last.

Rejection happens throughout life. The kid who didn’t pick you for her team becomes a stranger who ignores your polite hello, or a company that won’t hire you.

But even though it’s so common, rejection still hurts. Hearing “No” or feeling left out triggers emotional pain and anger, and affects our self-esteem and sense of belonging. And just like a scratch can lead to an infection if it’s not treated, minor rejections can lead to more serious psychological issues.

The key message here is: Reaffirm yourself to prevent minor rejections from doing serious harm.

One of the effects of rejection is that it dents your self-esteem. In an attempt to understand why you were rejected, it’s easy to fall into the trap of self-criticism and believe that you’re somehow lacking. To avoid this, it’s important to remind yourself of your own positive traits and boost your sense of self-worth.

Start by throwing counterarguments at any negative thoughts that pop up. Make sure that your counterpoint is not only kinder, but also relevant to the situation. So rather than thinking you messed up a job interview, tell yourself that the company just needed someone with a very specific background.

Once you’ve wrestled with your negative thoughts, give your self-worth a boost by remembering your valuable traits. Think of five positive traits that are relevant to the rejection – for instance, if you don’t get the dream job that you interviewed for, list five qualities that make you a great employee. Then, write a few short paragraphs explaining why each trait matters to you, the role it plays in your life, and why it’s crucial to your self-image.

Lastly, soothe the hurt of rejection by reaching out to the people around you.

Humans have a fundamental need to feel like they belong, and this is one of the reasons rejection can be so difficult. To restore your sense of belonging, spend time with loved ones, this will help you feel more connected. If it’s not possible to be around friends and family, taking in reminders like photos, messages, or mementos will also do the trick.

Loneliness creates a vicious cycle, but it can be broken.

Today, people are more connected than ever before. Thanks to the internet and various devices, friends and strangers are only a few clicks away.

Yet with all these ways to connect, many people are still incredibly lonely. This is because loneliness doesn’t stem from a lack of connections, but from feeling socially or emotionally isolated. Just think of someone with an endless list of contacts, but no close friends.

Reclaiming parts of ourselves and finding meaning help us piece our lives together after loss and trauma.

When we think about loss or trauma, we usually imagine events like a life-changing accident – or, worse, death. These have an undeniably strong impact on our well-being, but they’re not the only kinds of loss and trauma.

On the less-severe end of the scale, relationships end, we pack up and move to new places, or we lose jobs. Experiences like these can disrupt our lives and change how we see ourselves. And recovering from them is like repairing broken bones. The pieces have to be put back correctly in order for the bones to heal and, eventually, function like they used to.

The remedy for guilt is repairing our relationships with others and with ourselves.

At some point in life, we’ve all been weighed down by a guilty conscience. Perhaps this has happened after we’ve disappointed a friend or hurt a loved one.

As horrible as it makes us feel, guilt does have a purpose. It motivates us to do the right thing and helps protect the important relationships in our lives. Guilt is only a problem when it causes distress and prevents us from living fully, or having happy and healthy relationships. For example, we might be so racked with guilt about how we wronged a good friend that we avoid her completely.

Shifting perspectives and reframing events can help you get out of a rumination rut.

Ever had a friend go through a breakup and then talk about nothing else for months? Chances are you were sympathetic at first, but grew impatient after hearing about it for the umpteenth time.

This rehashing of painful events is called ruminating, and it’s not reserved for the brokenhearted. Many people continuously reflect on upsetting experiences. And each time they do, they feel worse. It’s like picking at a scab – it only delays healing.

Responding to failure immediately and in the right way turns it into an opportunity for growth.

How do you feel about the F-word?

The F-word – failure – is something everyone experiences. As children, we often fail when trying to come to grips with the world around us; as adults, we often fail when reaching for opportunities or stepping out of our comfort zones. Sometimes we even fail at things we’ve done many times before.

To strengthen self-esteem, be kinder to yourself and acknowledge your positive qualities.

When flu season comes around, parents, doctors, and other well-meaning people recommend flu shots, home remedies, and foods to boost immunity. Their reasoning is solid. If your immune system – the body’s defense against infections – is weak, you’re more likely to get sick.

Low self-esteem is much like weak immunity. It makes you more vulnerable to life’s knocks and upsets. Fortunately, self-esteem can also be improved, leaving your mind and emotions better-protected. The question is: How, exactly, do you do this?

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Worum geht es in Emotional First Aid?

Emotional First Aid (2012) is an easy-to-follow manual for addressing the everyday emotional hurts we all experience. From rejection to loss to low self-esteem, Emotional First Aid provides effective strategies for ensuring that treatable emotional pains don’t become deep wounds with lasting psychological effects.

Bestes Zitat aus Emotional First Aid

Self-forgiveness should be the outcome of a conscious process, an effort to come to peace with our wrongdoing.

—Guy Winch

Wer Emotional First Aid lesen sollte

People struggling to let go of past hurts
Psychology enthusiasts
Parents wanting to raise resilient kids

Über den Autor

Guy Winch, PhD, is a licensed psychologist with over 20 years of experience. He’s considered a leading advocate for incorporating the science of emotions into day-to-day life. He’s written for PsychologyToday.com and is the author of The Squeaky Wheel and How to Fix a Broken Heart. His 2015 TED Talk, Why We All Need to Practice Emotional First Aid is ranked the fifth most inspirational TED Talk of all time.

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