13 Things Mentally Strong Couples Don't Do summary

Finding love once is a blessing, but twice seems almost miraculous. Yet that was the journey of couples therapist Amy Morin – one full of both fairytale romance and unimaginable grief. After losing her beloved first husband at just 26 years old, Morin struggled through a painful decade of darkness before unexpectedly finding love again. Now remarried and living adventurously on a sailboat, she draws on her extraordinary personal experiences, as well as over twenty years as a therapist, to guide couples towards stronger and more resilient relationships.

As both an individual and couples counselor, Morin has seen it all: the blame games, the futile attempts to change each other, the desperate bids for validation at a relationship’s end. She was initially reluctant to do couples work. Most people, she thought, went into couples therapy seeking permission to divorce rather than solutions to save the relationship. But over time, Morin came to recognize our core need for connection and the ripple effect relationships have on our mental health. Whether struggling with anxiety, depression, trauma, or other issues, individuals can rarely heal in isolation. More often, growth happens through improving support and communication within our closest relationships.

The key is breaking counterproductive patterns by eliminating common bad habits that undermine relationships. Much like individual growth, progress within relationships is nonlinear, requiring persistence and commitment through the ups and downs. 

While it’s not the case that every couple should stay together, each of us has the power to positively influence our relationships – whether partners do their own work alongside us or not. As in dancing, when we alter our steps, our partners instinctively adjust in response. By focusing inwardly on our own personal growth and mental resilience, we model the change we wish to see mirrored back to us. With consistent practice of more constructive behaviors, we stand a fighting chance of overcoming past hurts to build healthier bonds over time.