Missing Each Other summary

Let’s say you're talking to a friend. He’s trying to tell you a long, complicated story about recent relationship troubles. It’s clearly very important to him. And, while you want to understand the nuances of his situation, there’s something in the way. You’re struggling to pay attention.

You see, even while you’re hearing your friend speak, you’re not actually engaging with the conversation. Instead, your mind buzzes with other thoughts and feelings. You’re stressing about work, you’re considering your to-do list, you're fighting off the need for a nap.

Oprah Winfrey is probably one of the most famous people in the world. For decades, her daytime talk show drew an audience of millions. Today, her SuperSoul Sunday series remains a massive hit. So, why is Oprah such a star?

Well, it could be her captivating personality. And it’s true, many people like hearing her talk. However, Oprah’s real talent is listening. The most memorable and moving moments of her career have always been her interviews. When people sit down with Oprah, they tend to open up and share.

Meet Naomi and Oliver. They’re friends, and they’ve agreed to meet for coffee. But their day is about to go off the rails. 

First, Oliver arrives 15 minutes late and doesn’t even apologize. Then, when Naomi asks some friendly questions, Oliver’s responses are brusk and short. In the end, Naomi leaves, thinking Oliver has become rude and self-centered. 

Two figure skaters elegantly glide across the ice, each moving in step with the other. 

A stand-up comedian works a crowd; just as the laughter peaks, he hits them with another punchline. 

In 1950, the British mathematician Alan Turing proposed a simple thought experiment: Imagine you’re in an isolated room, and you’re exchanging text messages with someone sitting next door. You type something out, they respond. You ask a question, they answer it. 

Now, imagine that your conversation partner wasn’t a human, but a computer. Would you be able to tell? And, if you were, how long would it take? 

Consider the problems, conflicts, and dilemmas that are currently plaguing your life. Many of them are relatively small. They are things you can fix. Maybe your roommate doesn’t keep up with the chores, or perhaps your colleague often gets too stressed and frustrated to work effectively.

It’s easy to see how applying the skills of attunement can help alleviate these interpersonal issues. We’ve discussed the skills that can help: relaxed awareness, active listening, and mutual responsiveness can all lead the way to a better path forward.