How to be Love(d) Book Summary - How to be Love(d) Book explained in key points
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How to be Love(d) summary

Humble the Poet

Simple Truths for Going Easier on Yourself, Embracing Imperfection & Loving Your Way to a Better Life

4.5 (187 ratings)
15 mins

Brief summary

How to be Love(d) by Humble the Poet is a relatable and motivational book that explores our relationship with love, both within ourselves and with others. Honest and inspiring, it offers insights and practical advice for finding and maintaining love in all aspects of life.

Table of Contents

    How to be Love(d)
    Summary of 6 key ideas

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    Key idea 1 of 6

    Love isn’t a noun, it’s a verb.

    In books and movies, love is often the end. The girl gets the boy, the family is reunited, the best friends finally get married. These are happy endings, sure, but they still leave people with nowhere to go. Love is viewed as the ultimate goal. But then what?

    In real life, too, we’ve come to treat love like it’s the finish line of a race. To be honest, that’s how we treat most things related to our happiness. Once we can get over this imagined finish line – whether that’s landing our dream job or finding a partner – we think we’ll finally be happy. And if we’re not there yet, we tell ourselves it’s because we still haven’t done enough. Or worse, because we still aren’t enough. Psychologist Robert Holden calls this “destination addiction.”

    But love, like happiness, isn’t a destination; it’s a path. Once you start “doing” love instead of chasing it down, you’ll realize that it’s everywhere around you. 

    There’s “Small L” love like our love for ice cream or football games. And then there’s “Big L” love like our love for our grandma’s wrinkly hands or our partner’s silly laugh.

    It’s important to distinguish the two because you don’t want to mistake one for the other. Small L love is like a delicious little treat. It’s all about pleasure and immediate gratification and it doesn’t take a lot of effort to acquire. But Big L love is the nutritious meal that everyone is hungry for. It’s the kind of love that feels deep and life-changing, and that gives you peace and connection. 

    Big L love is what you should aim for in your relationships with yourself, your family, and your partner. But Big L love is no “happily ever after.” It’s more of a “happily continuing to work on it.” Big L love takes regular, deliberate, and ongoing effort to sustain.

    For example, it requires honest communication with yourself and others. What do you really want? How can you meet your needs? And how can your partner help meet them? Don’t wait for your partner to stumble upon the answer – that just leads to frustration and resentment. If you love someone, tell them how you want to be loved.

    And more importantly: make a conscious effort to love your partner how they want to be loved. Because you’ll only feel as much love as you give.

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    Key ideas in How to be Love(d)

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    What is How to be Love(d) about?

    How to be Love(d) (2022) teaches you how to transform your thoughts and actions to give, receive, and experience more love in life. Full of relatable stories and actionable advice, this guide will teach you how to rid yourself of useless programming, embrace imperfection, and honor your progress – so you can better love yourself and others.

    Who should read How to be Love(d)?

    • Anyone going through a breakup
    • People looking to improve their romantic, platonic, or family relationships
    • Fans of the author’s art and music

    About the Author

    Humble The Poet, also known as Kanwer Singh, is a Canadian-born artist, rapper, and social media personality. A former elementary school teacher, his books Unlearn and Things No One Else Can Teach Us have become international best sellers. His work has been featured in the New York Times, BuzzFeed, Vogue, Rolling Stone, and Huffington Post among others.

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