Missing Each Other Buchzusammenfassung - das Wichtigste aus Missing Each Other

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Zusammenfassung von Missing Each Other

Name: Missing Each Other
Rating: 4.2 (103 reviews)
Author: Edward Brodkin and Ashley Pallathra

Edward Brodkin and Ashley Pallathra

How to Cultivate Meaningful Connections

4.2 (103 Bewertungen)

24 Min.

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Missing Each Other by Edward Brodkin and Ashley Pallathra explores the importance of positive communication in relationships, with practical advice for enhancing emotional connection and resolving conflicts.

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What’s in it for me? A step-by-step approach to connecting.

These days, so many of us live in bustling, crowded cities. We spend hours video-chatting with friends, or interacting with countless acquaintances through social media.

So why do so many of us feel isolated and lonely?

One answer lies in the way we communicate. While our fast-paced, media-rich lives give us plenty to do, they can also keep us from truly connecting with one another.

Luckily, another world is possible.

These blinks delve into the science of human connection by drawing on the latest research into neuroscience and psychology. They’ll introduce you to the four pillars of human connection: relaxed awareness, listening, understanding, and mutual responsiveness. And they’ll also show you how to overcome the barriers that keep us apart.

In these blinks, you’ll learn

what NBA superstars share with meditating monks;
why millions of people love Oprah; and
how Amazon’s Alexa is different from a true friend.

Attunement helps us build strong and intimate social bonds.

Imagine you knock on a friend’s door. But when she answers, you can see that something’s off. You don’t get the usual grin and hug – instead, she greets you with a quiet hello and a slight frown. As you step inside, she mentions that her pet has just died.

How do you react? Well, that depends. Maybe your friend is devastated by the loss and wants to sob, mourn, and be comforted. She may need a shoulder to cry on. Or perhaps she’s upset but doesn’t want to dwell on the pain. So, instead, you lift the mood by telling stories and jokes.

In either case, you’re sensing her emotional state and reacting appropriately. This process is called attunement and it’s an essential part of human relationships.

The key message here is: Attunement helps us build strong and intimate social bonds.

Humans are social creatures. Over the millennia, we’ve relied on mutual cooperation to survive and thrive. As a result, we’ve evolved a deep need to connect with one another. This tendency is apparent right from birth – just look at how infants gaze at the faces of their caregivers, how they reach for that friendly smile. As we age, we refine this impulse into social skills that help us build happy and healthy relationships.

Attunement is a social skill that lies right at the foundation of all human contact. At its most basic, it’s the power to sense and understand our own emotions and the emotions of others. This skill helps us align the two in a productive way. When two people are attuned to each other, they share a profound connection and intimacy.

Attunement can come in many forms; it can encompass the full spectrum of human emotions. It could look like a parent and child playing and laughing together. Or like two academics engaged in a deep and engrossing discussion. When jazz musicians fall into an improvisational groove, this is also a form of attunement. In each of these situations, the people involved are united because they’re sharing an intense emotional bond.

Unfortunately, in today’s world, moments of attunement are rare. Our busy lives allow little time to truly connect with each other, and new technologies like social media encourage us to have fleeting, superficial interactions. These circumstances leave many feeling lost and lonely. However, with a little effort, it’s possible to bring attunement back into your life. We’ll explore how in the next blinks.

Prepare for attunement by cultivating relaxed awareness.

Let’s say you're talking to a friend. He’s trying to tell you a long, complicated story about recent relationship troubles. It’s clearly very important to him. And, while you want to understand the nuances of his situation, there’s something in the way. You’re struggling to pay attention.

You see, even while you’re hearing your friend speak, you’re not actually engaging with the conversation. Instead, your mind buzzes with other thoughts and feelings. You’re stressing about work, you’re considering your to-do list, you're fighting off the need for a nap.

Improve your ability to connect with others by learning to listen.

Oprah Winfrey is probably one of the most famous people in the world. For decades, her daytime talk show drew an audience of millions. Today, her SuperSoul Sunday series remains a massive hit. So, why is Oprah such a star?

Well, it could be her captivating personality. And it’s true, many people like hearing her talk. However, Oprah’s real talent is listening. The most memorable and moving moments of her career have always been her interviews. When people sit down with Oprah, they tend to open up and share.

Build understanding by seeing the world from the perspective of the other.

Meet Naomi and Oliver. They’re friends, and they’ve agreed to meet for coffee. But their day is about to go off the rails.

First, Oliver arrives 15 minutes late and doesn’t even apologize. Then, when Naomi asks some friendly questions, Oliver’s responses are brusk and short. In the end, Naomi leaves, thinking Oliver has become rude and self-centered.

To reach attunement, strive to meet people where they are.

Two figure skaters elegantly glide across the ice, each moving in step with the other.

A stand-up comedian works a crowd; just as the laughter peaks, he hits them with another punchline.

Sophisticated computers can almost – but not quite – mimic attunement.

In 1950, the British mathematician Alan Turing proposed a simple thought experiment: Imagine you’re in an isolated room, and you’re exchanging text messages with someone sitting next door. You type something out, they respond. You ask a question, they answer it.

Now, imagine that your conversation partner wasn’t a human, but a computer. Would you be able to tell? And, if you were, how long would it take?

Attunement starts small, but can have a big impact.

Consider the problems, conflicts, and dilemmas that are currently plaguing your life. Many of them are relatively small. They are things you can fix. Maybe your roommate doesn’t keep up with the chores, or perhaps your colleague often gets too stressed and frustrated to work effectively.

It’s easy to see how applying the skills of attunement can help alleviate these interpersonal issues. We’ve discussed the skills that can help: relaxed awareness, active listening, and mutual responsiveness can all lead the way to a better path forward.

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Worum geht es in Missing Each Other?

Missing Each Other (2021) is a scientifically sound exploration of human connection. This wide-ranging primer explains how to truly bond with others in our fast-paced world.

Bestes Zitat aus Missing Each Other

Think of attunement like a muscle that can grow with training and consistent practice.

—Edward Brodkin and Ashley Pallathra

Wer Missing Each Other lesen sollte

Lonesome people looking to link with others
Bad communicators seeking better ways to connect
Anyone interested in the psychology of alienation

Über den Autor

Edward Brodkin is an associate professor of psychiatry at the Perelman School of Medicine at the University of Pennsylvania and the Director of the Adult Autism Spectrum Program at Penn Medicine.

Ashley Pallathra is a clinical researcher and therapist, currently pursuing a PhD in Clinical Psychology at The Catholic University of America.

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