What to Do When You’re New summary

Think of the new situations you’ve been in recently. Did you feel comfortable? If, instead, you felt stressed and anxious – as so many of us do – you might be wondering why. Why haven’t we learned to relax?

Blame a lack of mindful reflection. Without it, we don’t improve over time. Once people reach a certain level of performance, they start paying less attention to how they perform. Take driving, for instance. Once we’ve learned the basic skills, we cease paying conscious attention.

Successful and effective communication begins with a proper introduction. In new situations, people are often reluctant to introduce themselves, preferring to wait for others to make the first move. Perhaps you’re afraid of bothering others. But you should let that go. Think about it: have you ever gotten angry at somebody for disturbing you in order to introduce themselves? No!

Still, people worry that a weak introduction will create a poor first impression. This is an understandable fear; however, making a bad first impression is far better than not introducing yourself at all.

Remembering names is crucial to social interaction. So why is it such a struggle for us to recall them?

Blame it on evolution! Our prehistoric brain wasn’t designed to remember names. In prehistoric times, we interacted with a very limited number of people. Only relatively recently did remembering many names become a necessity. Additionally, a person’s name is stored in a different brain region than the other information we associate with that person. That’s why it’s easy for some people to remember faces, occupations or hobbies, but not names.

To become a swiftly integrated newbie, you’ll need to get information, help and advice from others. The problem is, this is precisely the time when you’re most reluctant to ask questions.

Why is this? Well, when asking a question, we often experience an irrational fear. We tend to overestimate the possibility of being refused when asking for help, worrying that others are going to judge us or think us incompetent.

Do you ever catch yourself thinking, “I really hope this person likes me,” but doubting that they actually do? Well, you’re not the only one!

Most of us are preoccupied with how others feel about us. Unfortunately, this also causes us to misinterpret social signals.

Feelings of unfamiliarity can breed a whole host of problems. You may be reluctant to contribute or share creative ideas at work; you might quit your new hobby after just two classes. This is what happens when we’re afraid to perform in front of people we don’t know.

But what is the reason behind this reluctance?