Asking for It summary

From a young age, girls are instructed to undertake a number of precautions to protect themselves from men. “Don’t go out alone at night.” “Don’t talk to strange men you don’t know.” “Don’t wear revealing clothing.” But is it really up to girls and women to stop rape?

A lot of people think it is. In fact, police typically respond to rape by telling women to restrict their movements.

Have you noticed that a class of young students will usually choose one student to pick on? The group strengthens its ties when it unites against an outsider. Unfortunately, these dynamics can take on even worse forms, such as gang rape.

Gang rape serves as a ritual that strengthens bonds between the rapists at the expense of the victim. In 1991, an anthropologist named Peggy Reeves Sanday studied the social aspects of gang rape. She concluded that it’s a way for men to solidify their male identity as distinct from women. It also creates close ties and allows them to gain peer approval.

Imagine you’re a woman who has just been raped. In order to report it, you have to detail the experience to another male authority figure.

It’s no wonder so many rape victims remain silent. When they do go to the police, the police are sometimes very unhelpful or don’t take rape allegations seriously.

Have you ever watched a fictional court drama on TV? You know those scenes where a defense attorney shouts at the investigators that nothing can be done without proof? That often happens in rape cases. Rape is a difficult crime to prove.

Only a small fraction of rape cases make it to court. In fact, according to the most recent National Crime Victimization Survey, only 12 percent of perpetrators are arrested after the crime has been committed. Since most incidents go unreported, few rape cases ever make it to a prosecutor’s desk.

In the award-winning 2009 film Precious, a 16-year-old girl is repeatedly raped by her father, leading to two unwanted pregnancies. Some anti-abortion movements insist that even a victim in this scenario should not be allowed a termination.

Extremist US Republicans even believe that if a woman gets pregnant, it’s not possible she was raped. They argue that women’s bodies have biological mechanisms that prevent sperm from fertilizing an egg if they don’t want to have a child with a particular partner.

There’s a lot of porn on the internet. It’s not unusual for porn clips to have a completely passive female or male partner who seems to be enduring the sexual act, which is arguably a form of rape in itself.

And it’s not only porn that normalizes sexual violence. The mainstream media plays just as important a role.

Imagine if a person asked their partner for permission before kissing them, then again before touching them, then again before climbing into bed together. In the current cultural climate, a lot of people might consider that odd or boring. Perhaps it’s just being a good person, however.

Progressive communities are promoting new ideas about sex and consent. They’re moving away from the “no means no” stance previously promoted by feminists and toward a more positive and less defensive focus on “yes.” Both partners need to say yes for the sex to be consensual.