Against Empathy summary

There’s recently been a surge of interest in empathy. You need only examine the shelves of any bookshop in America to see just how popular this area of psychology has become.

But it’s not just books; there are editorials, conferences, numerous self-help gurus and plenty of YouTube channels and blogs devoted to the subject. Whether it’s general self-help advice or tips for better parenting, it seems there’s nothing that enhanced empathy can’t solve.

You’ve probably heard the phrase, “I feel you,” but it’s more than just a way of saying you agree with someone. It’s also an accurate way of describing how our brain neurologically mirrors the feelings of others.

When we witness someone performing an action, we’ll experience the same brain activity in the same area as them. It’s as if we were the ones acting.

Empathy can certainly inspire people to perform good deeds, but it’s important to understand that there are other important reasons for being kind to others.

First of all, people often perform acts of kindness because it’s morally the right thing to do.

Putting yourself in the shoes of someone you know might not be too difficult, but how comfortable are you in the shoes of someone on the other side of the world, brought up in a completely different environment?

The American author Annie Dillard pointed this out in her critique of the public’s obsession with empathy by asking how empathetic we were to the billions of people in China.

Most of us have experienced schadenfreude at one time or another. Maybe you secretly jumped for joy when a certain classmate got told off by the teacher. This lack of empathy for others also plays a role in our decision-making.

One of the leading factors leading to a lack of empathy is when we decide that someone has brought misfortune upon themselves.

When a child wants a toy so badly that they’re in tears, most parents will feel empathy kicking in and telling them to go ahead and buy whatever their child so desperately desires. But most parents also know that they can’t give in every time or else they’ll be spoiling their child rotten!

This is just one example of how our empathy is more concerned with the present and unconcerned with any future results of our actions.