The Happiness Project summary

It’s indisputable that energy and vitality are fundamental factors in self-satisfaction. Feeling physically and mentally fit is enough to make us happy. And feeling energized makes us want to engage in other activities, like sports or social events, which in turn generate moments of happiness. That’s why “more energy” was the top priority of Rubin’s happiness project.

But what generates energy? It may sound banal, but it’s true: enough sleep, a balanced diet and physical activity. A lack of sleep weakens our immune systems and memories and slows down our metabolism. Outdoor activities, by contrast, raise our energy level and help us improve our thinking. It’s been proven that light is good for the psyche and stimulates the production of serotonin and dopamine, two hormones responsible for feelings of happiness.

Rubin established the following in her research: happy people’s relationships last longer. And it also works the other way around: harmonious relationships set the standard for the happiness we feel elsewhere in life.

Rubin based the part of her project dedicated to her marital happiness on two basic insights into relationships:

Many adults say that children are the greatest source of happiness in their lives. Rubin considers them a kind of happiness that we don’t see in a specific moment, but in the long term. In order to foster this happiness, she decided to be more tender and playful with her two daughters as part of her project.

Rubin had two resolutions: to control emotional outbursts directed at her children and to refrain from scolding them. Her strategy? When we act happily, we are happy. Someone who – like Rubin – is easily irritated and gets angry about childish behavior would benefit from singing every morning and acting as if they were in the best of moods. By doing so, we can infect ourselves with a good mood and begin our day that way. Finding humor in our challenges – for instance, by making a joke instead of a reproach – brightens up our everyday life.

Friendship is an essential part of a happy life: good friends we can trust and talk to and have fun with help us to get through our stressful everyday life with a smile.

And so it’s all the more paradoxical that many social contacts are at risk in a happy life. We always end up with the feeling that we don’t have enough time for all our friends. Rubin also experienced this, which caused her to feel guilty and angry with herself. She thus decided to deliberately make time for her social life and make new friends in the process.

Happiness and work are inextricably linked in our society. When we work, we maintain social ties and feel valued. The feeling of growth we get from working is an inexhaustible source of self-confidence and recognition.

Ever since becoming a writer, Rubin just keeps on working – even when she’s having a bad day – and often gets a kick by knowing that she’s gotten something done despite a bad mood. Deciding to start a career as a writer was a huge step for her, as she was coming from a stable job in the legal field. But it paid off: now her passion – writing – is her career. She urges others to work up the courage to make such a rupture in their lives, whatever their passion might be. Because if your job happens to be your favorite thing to do, it can be a great source of happiness.

One big – and indisputable – happiness factor is having free time full of fun and relaxation. Because doing things that don’t serve any purpose other than our own personal enjoyment makes us happy.

But “fun” means something different to everybody. And many people – Rubin among them – have a guilty conscience because they consider other people’s hobbies more cultivated or creative than their own. And she realized that, even if sporting events, crossword puzzles or knitting were great leisure activities for other people, they weren’t necessarily the right ones for her. If you’ve enjoyed something since you were ten, it’s a good indicator that it’s something you truly have fun doing.

We’ve all heard it before: money can’t buy happiness. But the subject isn’t closed so simply. Because money is like health: it’s not a guarantee of happiness, but not having to worry about it makes our lives a whole lot easier.

Money can help us to be happier if we spend it wisely. Initially, a sufficient amount of money is an important happiness factor for many people who strive for security in their lives. But Rubin also specifically searched for ways to use money to fulfill her remaining resolutions to boost happiness. For example, she began to spend more money on a good fitness program, a healthy diet and social events.

If we believe studies on the subject, spiritual people are happier and healthier, can handle stress better and live longer. Contemplating eternity and death – a central part of many religions and of philosophy – enables another approach to the present and happiness. Rubin was fascinated by the idea of living her life filled with gratitude while thinking about eternity.

She then came up with the following insight: “The days are long, but the years are short.” This motivated her to become aware of both her existence and her transience during her project.

In her search for happiness, Rubin kept stumbling upon the Dalai Lama’s book, The Art of Happiness. The Buddhist view of life had always fascinated her, so she decided to get more deeply involved in it during her project. The book introduced her to the key concept of mindfulness. The idea behind it is to pay more conscious and unbiased attention to all things in the here and now instead of being constantly plagued by the past or obsessed with the future.

And so, one of the final phases in her happiness project was to experiment with techniques for opening one’s consciousness in order to become more mindful of things.