Own Your Armor Book Summary - Own Your Armor Book explained in key points

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Own Your Armor summary

Name: Own Your Armor
Rating: 4 (26 reviews)
Author: Michelle Brody

Michelle Brody

Revolutionary Change for Workplace Culture

4 (26 ratings)

20 mins

Topics

Work Culture Teamwork Resolving Conflict Leadership

Table of Contents

Own Your Armor
Summary of 10 key ideas

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What’s in it for me? Discover an innovative approach to solving unhealthy workplace dynamics.

Imagine a team of employees goes to an offsite retreat to fix the bad dynamics that have been impacting their work. Their manager outlines a set of goals, and the team starts planning how to reach them.

After a weekend of great discussions and a lot of solid ideas for growth, the group commits to implementing these changes, and everyone leaves feeling hopeful. Then Monday comes around.

At first, it seems as if the fixes are working. Then, slowly but surely, the same issues begin to creep in – until the group is right back where they started. They had a plan to follow, so what went wrong?

Most strategies for fixing dysfunctional teams focus on the same key ideas. First, the team is the problem. Second, it’s the leader’s job to solve the issues. And third, this can be done by pulling a few “strategic levers.” According to author Michelle Brody, the reason these workplace “fixes” always fail is because they don’t actually get to the root of the problem.

In this Blink to Own Your Armor, we’ll explore a dramatically different approach to fixing an unhealthy work culture that acknowledges the threats we often face at work, the defensive “armor” we put on to protect ourselves, and the shared responsibility of everyone to work on addressing these issues. Through ten principles, you and your team will learn to restore productivity, improve communication, and finally bring balance back to your workplace dynamic.

Principle #1: There are two types of workplace communication

At work, there are two types of communication – “above the table” and “below the table.” Above-the-table communication involves everything we say out loud, like discussions about which strategy to use or which business plan to execute. In other words, it’s all professional work talk.

Then there’s the communication that’s going on under the table – opinions, rivalries, judgments, unhealthy patterns of interaction … you get the idea. This encompasses all of the things that are usually left unsaid, but still communicated through actions.

For obvious reasons, the underbelly of the table is a messy place that many teams avoid visiting. But if you’re serious about improving your team’s dynamics and workplace culture, you’re going to have to make the trip.

It may sound intimidating, but to truly understand what’s going on under the table, you’ll just need to focus on two simple questions. First, what threats are your team facing in the workplace? Second, what types of “armor” are they using in response to those threats?

Threats and armor are topics we’ll dig into in the following sections. For now, it’s important to understand that they are the two main drivers of below-the-table drama. Once you learn to recognize them, you can begin fixing them.

Principle #2: At work, we often “armor up” in response to threats

On the surface, work is the place where we earn a living and gain a sense of stability. Beyond that, it’s also a social environment where we can experience feelings of belonging, value, and appreciation for our work.

Since the workplace impacts so many aspects of life, it also presents the opportunity for a lot of threats. The largest threat will always be the possibility of losing your job. But there’s also the potential to be excluded by teammates, feel that your work is undervalued, or even be mistreated by upper management.

Principle #3: It’s important to avoid falling victim to the “bad apple fallacy”

When a team is dysfunctional, the initial reaction is usually to figure out who’s causing the strife. In most cases, this takes the form of rooting out “bad apples” – the culprits most likely to be driving the dysfunction.

This can lead to questions like “Who isn’t working hard enough?” “Which employees aren’t team players?” or even “Who’s driving everyone crazy?”

Principle #4: Just as there are no “bad apples,” there are no “good apples”

When you bring up the idea that everyone on the team contributes to the dysfunction, odds are at least one person will say, “But I haven’t done anything wrong!” In fact, most people will argue that they’re actively trying to make things better.

But as we learned in the last section, even well-meaning actions contribute to the overall team dynamic and culture. There are no “bad apples” who cause all of the trouble, but there are also no “good apples” who never do anything wrong.

Principle #5: Most conflicts follow a threat/armor cycle

Most conflicts – even between couples or families – follow what Brody calls a “threat/armor cycle.” Workplace conflicts are no exception. When someone feels threatened, they put on their armor. No matter what style they choose – fight, flight, or even freeze – this irritates or threatens the other party so that they inevitably armor up too.

The biggest problem is that this vicious cycle doesn’t just affect the two parties involved – it impacts the whole team. For example, if some choose the “flight” style of armor and disengage from their work, it makes it much harder for the rest of the team to do their jobs effectively.

Principle #6: Owning your armor is key to solving workplace conflicts

It may seem counterintuitive, but it’s actually very difficult to improve team dynamics using collective language or individual feedback.

Speaking to the group as a whole and saying things like “We all need to communicate more” probably won’t have any major effect in the long run. Meanwhile, individual comments like “The way you armor up is slowing down the rest of the team” are all but certain to backfire and cause the person to become even more defensive.

Principle #7: The process of “owning your armor” involves three steps

Whether you’re an employee or a leader, it’s important to uncover the truth behind your armor so you can keep it from affecting the rest of the team. This process of “owning your armor” has three parts.

The first step is to own your threats. To do this, consider a few important questions. What behaviors really bother you at work? Is there a particular person you find to be the most threatening? What is it about them that frustrates you the most?

Principle #8: Positive communication between coworkers is unarmored

The goal of self-reflection is for each team member to be able to shed their armor and interact positively as their “core” or true self. The key thing to remember here is that bad communication is armored, while good communication is unarmored.

Once everyone has done the individual work of owning their armor, they can start having healthy, productive conversations about it. Talking about how other people’s actions impact you is feedback. In contrast, talking about how your actions might affect other people is owning.

Principle #9: A leader’s armor has an oversized impact on their team

Earlier we learned that every member of a team, regardless of whether they’re typically viewed as a good or bad worker, contributes to the overall culture. This counts for leaders as well.

Team leaders respond to threats like any other member – by armoring up. The only difference is that a leader's armor has an oversized impact, because everyone takes their cues from the top. It’s incredibly important for a leader to own their armor, but it takes courage and vulnerability.

Principle #10: The Own Your Armor approach can help unlock your team’s best performance

A team that takes advantage of the Own Your Armor approach has so much to gain. This process not only fosters better team relationships, improves culture, and deepens trust – it also has the potential to increase performance at both the individual and team level.

When members of a team operate as their core selves, they’re able to show their strengths and perform at their best on an interpersonal level. When a team armors up, the opposite happens. No matter how hard they try, the team’s strengths will always be pushed out of the way as everyone focuses on threats.

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What is Own Your Armor about?

Own Your Armor (2022) offers an innovative approach to fixing dysfunctional workplace culture. It outlines the ten principles of the Own Your Armor method that teams can use to foster better communication, improve productivity, and create a healthier, more positive work environment.

Who should read Own Your Armor?

Leaders who want to improve their team’s dynamics
Employees who want to create a better workplace culture
Anyone who wants to learn healthier ways of solving conflicts

About the Author

Michelle Brody, PhD, is an executive coach and clinical psychologist with 25 years of experience solving conflicts in both corporate and family settings. Her specialty is helping teams tackle complicated dynamics by improving communication, resolving tension, and reaching greater levels of collaboration. She is also the author of the relationship guide Stop the Fight!

Categories with Own Your Armor

Communication Skills Corporate Culture Management & Leadership

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