Self-Love Workbook for Women summary

Self-love is often portrayed as a happy, celebratory activity that’ll leave you with a big grin on your face. So it can be a shock to learn that the journey to self-love can involve anger, sadness, resentment, and heartbreak. Maybe you are mourning the family you wish you’d had, or the pain you’ve caused yourself and others. Maybe you’re grieving for all the years you’ve lost to people-pleasing – years you’ll never get back. 

As you commence your journey to self-love, you might start wondering whether you’ll ever get through this difficult process, or if it’s even worth it. But keep in mind that moods are all like the weather – they’re seasonal and constantly shifting. This might in fact be one of the most important takeaways from this journey of self-love. While difficult emotions might feel unbearable in the moment, they’re often an expression of feelings that you repressed and pushed down for years. You may not have been allowed to express anger at your parents as a child, or set healthy boundaries that prioritize your needs. And learning how to do that is crucial for self-love.  

Before you start your self-love journey, it’s important to get a sense of your starting point. That way, you’ll have greater awareness of the guideposts, goals, and obstacles you might encounter along the way. As you embark on this journey, remember that it won’t be linear. You may move forwards, then back, then ahead once more. 

Reflect on the statements that follow and decide whether you never feel this way, always feel this way, or if you sit somewhere in between. 

No matter how hard we try, there are always moments when we revert to self-criticism. But luckily, there are tools that can combat these moments with greater ease, fluidity, and compassion.  

If you notice that you’re being self-critical, take a moment to stop and release judgment. Doing this will channel self-respect, dignity, and kindness to you. Low moments are a part of everyone’s experience: getting fired or laid off from a job; being dumped by a romantic partner; not being invited to a social event; having a health or fitness set-back. 

Self-worth is an important component of self-love. It means knowing that you deserve to be cherished, accepted, and loved by others, and treating yourself in the same way. This is important because the way you treat yourself influences how others treat you. 

The foundation of self-worth might come as a bit of a surprise. It’s joy. Simple as that.

Do you ever stay longer at a social event that you’d like, or say yes to requests that don’t suit you? Do you feel pressured to drink alcohol, or buy things you can’t afford? Do you find yourself working on your time off or missing important family functions for last-minute emergencies? Do you lack control over eating, intimacy, and alone time? If this sounds familiar, it’s time to love yourself by setting healthy boundaries.

Healthy boundaries are not about controlling other peoples’ behavior, but rather a matter of respecting your limits and communicating your needs clearly. Learning how to set them starts by establishing boundaries for yourself. From there, you can build up your confidence in setting and maintaining boundaries with others. 

The only way to cultivate self-love is to embrace your complete self: your vulnerability, insecurities, and the struggles that have formed you. By moving forward with greater gentleness, understanding, and loving concern towards yourself, you can transform your life and enrich your relationships with grace and compassion.