Liberated Love summary

Cho and Alex seemed to have it all. Successful careers, a beautiful home, two kids, and a cute goldendoodle – the picture of perfection. 

Yet beneath this shiny exterior, they both sensed a gap – an unsettling feeling that something vital was missing. 

Many of us have experienced something similar. Behind closed doors, couples struggle with feelings of disconnection.

Wanting to improve their situation, Cho and Alex sought counseling from relationship experts and authors Mark Groves and Kylie McBeath. In one session, the couple were encouraged to acknowledge the real state of their relationship. It wasn’t good.

“Do you want a better relationship?” asked Kylie.

“Of course,” said Cho. “Both of us do.”

“In that case,” said Kylie, “you’ll have to let the old relationship die so you can create something new.”

This is a fundamental fact – great relationships are created by both individuals in a couple. They don’t just happen. So, before you can have that amazing relationship, you’ll need to let go of the old one.

The process begins with acknowledging the reality of the situation. Accept that your relationship isn’t working and that things need to change.

While moving through this process, it’s important not to blame yourself. Practice self-compassion. You love in the way you were taught to love, after all, and maybe you were given a faulty template. This is true for your partner as well.

The roots of relationship troubles often trace back to our childhoods. The unresolved issues from our past, like neglect or complex family dynamics, can influence how we experience love and connection as adults. 

These early imprints can lead us to repeat unhealthy relationship patterns that we learned as children, such as codependency. This is where someone might consistently put their partner’s needs before their own, hide their true feelings to avoid conflict, or depend excessively on their partner for emotional fulfillment.

Codependency is defined as a relationship pattern where individuals seek safety and validation from outside themselves, sacrificing their own identity and well-being in the process. 

This pattern is common. And yet, the thing about codependency – and other unhealthy behaviors – is that they often go unrecognized until they deeply impact your sense of self and relationship health. 

You might find yourself walking on eggshells around your partner for years, thinking it’s normal. Or you repress your feelings until you reach breaking point.

Recognizing these tendencies is crucial if you want to create change. This realization opens the door to redefining your approach to love and relationships. 

The truth is, there needs to be a balanced dynamic where both partners can freely express their needs and emotions.

In order to have a healthier relationship, and to experience the joy of liberated love – love where you respect and honor yourself, as well as your partner – you’re going to need to make some changes. In the sections ahead, we’ll explore the three-step process you can use to achieve a relationship in which both you and your partner can thrive.