It's On Me summary

Alex wakes up each morning and reaches for her phone. Her eyes are barely open before she begins mindlessly scrolling on social media. She then gets out of bed, rushes through her morning routine, and focuses on her upcoming day. Will she get everything done? Will she succeed or fail at work? How will she be perceived by others?

At work, she smiles obligatorily, checks her phone during meetings, and eats lunch while barely noticing the taste. After work, she fills her time with Netflix, drinks with friends, and more social media. Each night, she crawls into bed after staring at her screen. 

As Alex’s days blur together, she sinks deeper into a life of distraction and disconnection. In other words, Alex is experiencing self-loss.

Self-loss is the painful yet common human experience of feeling estranged from our true being. This fragmentation represents a gap between our outer life and our inner truth. We stop making choices that reflect our essence – and the consequences are brutal. 

So, how does self-loss manifest?

For one, it leads to difficulty connecting with our feelings. We cope with self-loss by avoiding, suppressing, or escaping our emotions rather than fully feeling or processing them. In the physical realm, we may ignore, misuse, or objectify our bodies. Our relationships become unhealthy and one-sided as we seek external validation versus inner fulfillment. Finally, we grapple with ambiguous values and ethics – losing our sense of direction, freedom, and meaning.

Each of these life categories illustrates how self-loss creates disconnection and misalignment with our inner truth. When we fail to know ourselves, we can’t make choices that serve us. Only by reconnecting with our inner self can we regain alignment in how we feel, act, relate, consent, and find meaning.

Think of self-loss like living in a burning room. In Alex’s case, the creeping flames of disconnection threaten her authentic existence, but she ignores the signs of danger. The flames continue to spread, compromising Alex's identity and purpose. To avoid getting burned, she has to recognize the threat and respond to it. She must choose to take full responsibility for her existence, reconnecting with who she is and what makes her feel alive. 

Learning to live life with authenticity isn’t easy. But what you stand to gain – or regain – is everything. It’s your very Self, with a capital S.