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Name: The Urgent Life
Rating: 3.9 (19 reviews)
Author: Bozoma Saint John

Bozoma Saint John

My Story of Love, Loss, and Survival

3.9 (19 ratings)

16 mins

What is The Urgent Life about?

The Urgent Life (2023) is part-memoir, part-manifesto to the importance of showing up in your life, and being fiercely present – no matter the circumstances. Bozoma Saint John has experienced both highs and lows in the course of her life. Through it all, she has learned to stay true to herself and her dreams, and to live as if nothing is guaranteed. In The Urgent Life, she describes the events that have most impacted her, and shares how you, too, can live life with passionate urgency.

Table of Contents

The Urgent Life
summarized in 6 key ideas

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Key idea 1 of 6

What’s in it for me? Learn to live boldly in the face of loss.

Bozoma Saint John has experienced loss more than many people:

She lost her life in her birthplace of Ghana when her mother fled to Kenya to escape political persecution after her father was arrested. Then Kenya was replaced by the United States, as her family sought asylum and made a life for themselves in Connecticut.

In the process, Saint John lost a sense of being at home — of belonging. As a Black woman growing up in America, she was never made to feel that she truly belonged.

Even more painful than losing these geographic places were the people that Saint John has lost over the course of her life. Her first boyfriend in college, Ben, died by suicide, a particularly difficult loss as Saint John has been burdened by the feeling that she could have prevented it.

Then, her first daughter Eve died when she was born prematurely.

And, years later, Saint John’s husband Peter died of cancer.

These losses have been incredible blows. They have left scars that Saint John realizes will never heal. Instead, they are scars that she will have to live with for the rest of her life.

But, the key word in that sentence is live.

Saint John’s story isn’t only about loss. It’s about how to live through loss, with loss. And to come out on the other side even more alive.

In fact, it’s about not taking one second of this life we have for granted.

It’s about living urgently.

Because tomorrow might not come.

So, close your laptop, mute your phone and take some time to listen to Bozoma Saint John’s lessons from The Urgent Life. It might take 15 minutes of your time, but it’s worth so much more than that.

Lesson number one: Pick up that phone.

One night, during college, Bozoma heard the shrill ring of her phone just as she was leaving her apartment. She knew who it was. Ben, her college boyfriend, had been spiraling — he was plagued by jealous delusions in which he imagined she was going out with other people. He was filled with self-loathing and despair, and nothing Bozoma did was enough to talk him out of that misery.

That night, she wasn’t up to having another painful conversation in which she defended herself about the supposed crimes she’d never committed. In fact, she was going out to have dinner with some girlfriends because she needed some support herself. So, she ignored the ringing phone, picked up her handbag, and walked out the door.

That moment was one that stays burned in her brain. Because Ben took his own life that night, jumping off a bridge near his apartment in Toronto.

With years of distance, and therapy, Saint John understands intellectually that there’s nothing she could have done to prevent his death. That his suicide was not her responsibility. But, still, nothing can stop her from replaying that moment in her mind. From putting down her bag, picking up the phone, and having one last conversation with Ben.

Ben’s death is one of those losses that has created an indelible scar. Even as Saint John has left college behind her, she still carries Ben with her. And the lesson she has taken from his death is that she always picks up that phone. She doesn’t wait to tell people she loves them. She doesn’t hold back when expressing her emotions. She doesn’t delay the trip, the hug, the celebration. She knows that there aren’t always second chances. Sometimes, you get just one.

Lesson number two: Listen to your inner voice instead of other people’s expectations.

Bozoma Saint John’s parents had big expectations for her life. And they didn’t include marrying a white boy and becoming a marketing executive in New York. And, yet, that is exactly what Saint John did. But she was only able to do that because she dived deep into her own intuition. And she understood that to be true to herself, she couldn’t live according to other people’s expectations.

That may sound straightforward. However, it’s anything but. As the eldest daughter in a patriarchal Ghanaian family, Saint John wanted nothing more than to make her parents proud, and become a doctor as they wished. After all, they had made untold sacrifices to give her the opportunities she had in the U.S. But, at the same time, she could see that a life as a strait-laced medical student would never fulfill her. So, when she finished college, she rebelled from their plan. She moved to New York and started her career in marketing — the career path that would ultimately allow her to truly express her talents.

Lesson number three: Live boldly.

In the workplace, Bozoma has had to confront often being the only Black woman at the boardroom table. It’s a reality she has faced head-on as her career took her to some of the most powerful companies in the world, moving up the ranks at Spike Lee’s agency, going on to work at Pepsi and, ultimately, becoming the head of marketing at Netflix, and the first Black woman to be part of the C-suite at the company. Being the first is never easy. Saint John has had to confront racist prejudices. And defy the roles that people thought she belonged in.

How has Saint John weathered the looks, and stares and daily microaggressions? She attributes it partly to inheriting her mother’s steel, and sense of pride. In her household, their Ghanaian identity was celebrated. Her parents never tried to assimilate to American ways, even when they were the only ones who looked like them in the whole community. Her parents transmitted a powerful lesson to their kids: be proud of your difference. It makes you who you are.

Lesson number four: don’t be afraid of making U-turns.

Real life is much more complex than a neat motto or catchphrase. It’s tempting to just say that you need to live according to your intuition and leave it there. But there’s more to the story. Living urgently is about listening to your internal voice and acting decisively. But it’s also about knowing when to change your mind again.

Bozoma’s relationship with her husband, Peter, is what brought this point home. When she first met him, she couldn’t imagine sharing a life with him. As a white man, he moved through the world with so much arrogance and entitlement. She couldn’t imagine him ever being able to share her experience of being in the world.

Lesson number 5: An urgent life is realizing you’re always, already guided along the way.

Bozoma Saint John may look like the epitome of a self-made woman. She arrived in New York with no connections and just a few dollars in her pocket and ascended the ranks of some of the most formidable old boys’ clubs in the United States. And, indeed, her life story can be read through the ultimate American idea of pulling yourself up by your bootstraps.

But Saint John herself is acutely aware of how much her life has been supported and influenced by others — whether supportive “angels” she met during everyday life, or the spiritual presence of her god and ancestors. This awareness is what has powered her and given her the resilience to weather even the hardest situations.

Final Summary

You should always pick up the phone. After losing her college boyfriend, Bozoma never waits to tell people she loves them and embraces every moment. Lesson two is that you should always listen to your inner voice. Bozoma defied her parents by pursuing a career in marketing, but she knew it was the right thing to do. The third lesson: live boldly! Stay resilient despite challenges you face, trust your instincts, and take chances to stand out. Lesson four: don’t be afraid of u-turns. Although Bozoma and Peter separated, they got back together after his diagnosis. Be ready to change course when needed. Lastly, lesson five: realize you’re guided along the way. Acknowledge the support you receive from others, and value the people you love.

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About the Author

Bozoma Saint John is an American businesswoman who has worked at powerhouses like Pepsi, Apple Music, Uber and Netflix. She has been inducted into the American Advertising Federation Hall of Achievement and the American Marketing Hall of Fame, among others. She was also named the number one most influential chief marketing officer by Forbes in 2021 and has a bestselling online tutorial called “The Badass Workshop.”

Who should read The Urgent Life?

People who are hungry to live more boldly,
Young professionals looking for inspiration on how to navigate the corporate ladder authentically.
Anyone who has experienced loss, and is figuring out how to carry on.

Categories with The Urgent Life

Motivation & Inspiration Biography & Memoir

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