Name: Loving What Is
Rating: 4 (123 reviews)
Author: Byron Katie

What’s in it for me? Learn how to conquer stress and unhappiness and live a more fulfilling life.

Are you stressed? Unhappy with life, or exhausted by the world and all its problems? Many people are, and unfortunately, most are resigned to living a stressful life – as there seems to be no alternative.

Yet there are alternatives! There is no source of stress or anxiety that can’t be conquered; all you need to do is approach what stresses you in the correct way.

These blinks introduce “The Work,” a straightforward method for tackling life’s many stresses. By mastering the simple steps that make up The Work, you too can live a happier, more fulfilled life.

In these blinks, you’ll discover

why your thoughts can often be your worst enemies; and
why there is never any point in getting angry with the weather.

Overcome stress by understanding and mastering your own thoughts.

You’re in a long-term relationship and have been happy for years. Yet recently you’ve started to suspect that your partner doesn't love you anymore.

In this hypothetical situation, your stress grows as you try to find ways to make your partner love you again. But that’s impossible! So you have to live with your stress and sadness. Right?

Wrong. Stress isn't caused by events or people in your life, but by your interpretation of events or the actions of friends and lovers.

So it's not your partner’s assumed lack of love that’s hurting you – it's your interpretation of your partner’s feelings. You’ve essentially read your partner’s behavior to mean that she doesn’t love you anymore. If she forgets to kiss you goodbye, you automatically think: She doesn’t care for me.

How can you overcome this situation? Well, stress originates from your thoughts, so you need to change your thoughts. This is where “The Work” comes in.

Start by writing down the thoughts that are troubling you. In our hypothetical case, you’d write, “My relationship is falling apart because my partner doesn't love me anymore.”

Next, analyze your written thoughts by asking yourself four simple questions.

Is this thought true? Reexamine your partner’s actions to make sure you aren't being too rash.

Can I be absolutely sure of its truth? Consider if there are any other interpretations for your partner's behavior.

How does this thought make you react? Sometimes when we're anxious, we just make ourselves more stressed. You might be fishing for evidence that your partner doesn't love you because deep down, you're paranoid.

Without this thought, who would you be? In this case, you'd be happier and enjoying your relationship more.

The answers to these four questions will give you a deeper understanding of your negative thoughts, so you can move on to making yourself feel better.

Don't stress over things you can't change – focus on what you can change instead.

Have you ever gotten angry because bad weather forced you to cancel special plans, such as a birthday barbeque? Did you curse your luck, saying “It can't be raining, it's not fair!”

Of course we’ve all felt like this at one point or another. Yet when you get angry with something like the weather, you're trying to fight powers far beyond your control.

Key ideas in Loving What Is