Breaking the Cycle summary

How do you go from ‘Porn Guy’ to a person who isn’t constantly distracted by harmful fantasies?

Your personal amphitheater is a great place to start. This technique has helped many addicts confront and control sex addiction.

While George’s father didn’t show him much attention, his mother gave him too much. She made him massage her breasts and told the boy he was her true companion. This emotional imbalance produced a man who drank, smoked and obsessed about sex.

Two things stand out here: George’s personal story and George’s mind. History weighs heavily on a sex addict because they can’t make the distinction between what happened to them and who they are now. Once you realize that you are not your story, you weaken the impact of your past on your life. 

George had built a thriving business helping sex addicts turn their lives around, so what was this burning sensation he felt as he climbed the stairs to his office? He thought he’d heard the distinct sound of high heels. As he sat down in his office and peered out the window into the blue California sky, a familiar feeling returned.

He started to feel powerless over his sexual urges. He’d been triggered to act on his impulses, but since he had the knowledge to deal with it, he came out of it unscathed. George used to gaze at the blue sky on his way to an adult theater, and he’d become accustomed to the sound of the performers’ high heels. His brain had made an association between blue skies and high heels, a toxic mix that triggered George at a subconscious level.

Imagine driving toward a crossroads and seeing red lights flash. Did you think about the lights before you stopped? Probably not! You automatically slowed down and put your foot on the brakes.

That’s the goal every sex addict should aim for. To automatically and effortlessly put on the red lights that guard against accidents when you’re triggered. You can name this function ‘Red Light Guy’ or any fancy name that works for you.

A reformed George was driving along with his wife when he got triggered. It felt awkward, but he told his wife anyway. Sharing his thoughts helped him stay grounded in reality instead of drifting into fantasy.

What George didn’t realize was that his unconscious addict mind was cruising in familiar territory. He only understood why he got triggered when they drove past the sign to a strip club he used to visit. They laughed about it. This small hurdle was a big victory because they’d achieved it as a couple. It was an intimate moment that drew them closer together.