Your Turn Buchzusammenfassung - das Wichtigste aus Your Turn

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Zusammenfassung von Your Turn

Name: Your Turn
Rating: 4.6 (253 reviews)
Author: Julie Lythcott-Haims

Julie Lythcott-Haims

How to Be an Adult

4.6 (253 Bewertungen)

31 Min.

Themen

Goals Happiness Biographies Self-Help Healthy Living

Inhaltsübersicht

Your Turn
in 8 Kernaussagen verstehen

Audio & Text in der Blinkist App

Kernaussage 1 von 8

What’s in it for me? An empowering approach to adulthood.

Avocado-toast fiends. Irresponsible with finances. Lazy. Over the past decade, a lot’s been said about young adults and their hesitance to grow up. But what does it even mean to be an adult?

Well, twentieth-century psychologists came up with five supposedly concrete markers: finish your education, get a job, leave home, marry, and have children. We’ve been taught to live according to that definition, and yet so much has changed about the world since it was formulated.

One size doesn’t fit all – but many of us still go through the prescribed motions. Underneath, we’re battling stress, anxiety, and the malaise that we’re just playing the part of an adult.

These blinks offer a different perspective: through psychological insights, the author’s personal experience, and practical strategies, you’ll learn to clear a path to a more authentic, fulfilling adulthood.

In these blinks, you’ll learn

how to “get out of neutral”;
what marshmallows have to do with money; and
how three superpowers can help you turn around a shitty day.

Fending for yourself means playing the game of life instead of watching from the bleachers.

The first time the author truly realized she was an adult was when all her belongings went up in flames.

At the time, she and her husband were in their 20s, and they’d decided to move to California. So they packed all their belongings into a moving truck and went to stay with the author’s parents while the truck made its way across the country. One night, at dinner, the author got a call: the truck had caught on fire. All their belongings – furniture, keepsakes, romantic letters – had burnt to a crisp.

She hadn’t felt like an adult at her wedding a few years earlier; that was just a big party involving a big dress. Adulting hadn’t happened at her bar exam; that was just another test. But in this moment, she knew she couldn’t rely on anyone else to take care of the situation – and she didn’t want them to. She somehow knew she could handle it. She was fending for herself. And that felt good.

The key message here is: Fending for yourself means playing the game of life instead of watching from the bleachers.

If you haven’t already had your fending-for-yourself moment, don’t worry – it’s coming. It’ll feel scary. You might look around for an adult. And then, suddenly, you’ll realize that adult is you!

Stepping up to face life’s challenges is both terrifying and empowering. And every time you do it, you’ll feel more capable of facing the next obstacle. You’ll see that life is like a game you’re playing. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. But at least you’re not watching from the sidelines.

There are a few basics of fending: learning how to cook, practicing good hygiene, scheduling doctor and dental visits. Fending also means finding work to pay your bills, making your own decisions, and replying and showing up.

It can seem hard to take care of these orders of business if someone else has always done the tasks for you – that’s what psychologists call learned helplessness. But you need to take charge; it’s your life, not anyone else’s!

In any given situation, fending means putting together some kind of solution based on your options, capabilities, and resources. It means creating a path forward. It doesn’t mean being perfect – which we’ll explore in the next blink.

Being an adult involves being OK with imperfection, learning from failure, and moving forward.

Many of us have an unhealthy relationship with the word perfect, often because of cultural or parental pressures. But perfect is a mirage; it’s an impossible demand, the pursuit of which is guaranteed to breed misery.

There’s only one course of action here: break up with perfection. Your dream life won’t happen because you’re “perfect”; it’ll happen through learning and growth.

It’s important to be good – until it gets in the way of your happiness.

Think about the most wonderful people you know. What are their characteristics? Maybe they’re loving? Caring? Kind? You can reason, then, that being loving, caring, and kind is important to others. In short, it’s good to be good.

You also know it’s impossible to be perfect; at times, you might find yourself being inconsiderate or an outright asshole. But adulting means you’re not complacent about it.

Adulting is an action that creates its own momentum.

This is your adulthood. Someday, you’ll die, and it’ll be over. So there’s no use in trying to put it off until you’re “better” at it, or “ready” for it, or “capable” of enjoying it. The time to embrace being an adult is now.

The things you practice and try out now are providing your future self with knowledge and expertise. It’s not important where you start, but that you start.

Understanding how money works – and making it work for you – will help build your dream life.

In 1972, a group of children at Bing Nursery School were given one marshmallow each. If they waited 15 minutes to eat it, they were told, they'd receive a second. Some of the kids immediately devoured their treat, while others waited and got two. The professor conducting the study went on to track the kids for years; he discovered that those who’d waited for the second marshmallow went on to achieve more “success” on standardized tests, in school, and in their careers.

Money is like the marshmallows. If you conserve some now rather than consuming it all at once, a bigger payoff awaits you down the line. Money isn’t all there is to life. But it does help you lead the life you want to live – and it helps you support people and issues that are close to your heart.

Taking care of your body and mind will make adulthood more enjoyable.

So you’ve started to figure out what you love, and what you’re good at, and how to get there – great! Now, keep in mind that you can do those things longer, and better, if you’re taking care of your physical and mental well-being.

Many of us deal with depression, racism, sexism, trauma, or self-destructive behaviors on a daily basis. No wonder the sitcom BoJack Horseman is so popular. Getting to know yourself and practicing self-care so you can function well is arguably the most personal, adult thing you can do.

Use resilience to make sense of, and get through, difficult times.

You’ve just gotten fired. Someone you love isn’t doing well. Or maybe you’re going through a painful breakup. In other words, shit has hit the fan. When bad things – inevitably – happen in life, feeling better might not be as simple as getting a kiss and a Band-Aid from a parent. But there are myriad productive ways to cope.

The ’60s TV show Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood instructed children to “look for the helpers” if they were having trouble. The same holds true now that you’re an adult. Hearing others’ stories of struggle can buoy you during tough times, which is why support groups are so effective. If you’re in shock, call someone to give you perspective – even if it’s the middle of the night.

Cultivating mindfulness, kindness, and gratitude will bring meaning to your life.

What’s the purpose of human existence? Well, according to spiritual guru Ram Dass, “We’re all just walking each other home.”

Life can sometimes feel like a burden, but we’re all on this journey together – and mindfulness, kindness, and gratitude can make it a whole lot easier.

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Worum geht es in Your Turn?

Your Turn (2021) is a twenty-first-century guide to adulting – and self-discovery. Stories and insights covering everything from relationships to mental health to money paint a picture of what it means to be a grown-up. Rather than outlining a rigid definition or goal, it offers tools to help you feel empowered and excited about navigating the landscape of adulthood and living a rich, meaningful life.

Wer Your Turn lesen sollte

Twenty- and thirty-somethings wondering what it really means to “grow up”
Millennials who feel overwhelmed by the demands of adulthood
Anyone looking to better connect with the young adults in their lives

Über den Autor

Julie Lythcott-Haims holds a BA in American Studies from Stanford, a JD from Harvard Law School, and an MFA in writing from California College of the Arts. Her other books include the New York Times best seller How to Raise an Adult and Real American.

Kategorien mit Your Turn

Personal Development Mindfulness & Happiness

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