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Zusammenfassung von What to Do When You’re New

Name: What to Do When You’re New
Rating: 4.1 (40 reviews)
Author: Keith Rollag

Keith Rollag

How to be Comfortable, Confident, and Successful in New Situations

4.1 (40 Bewertungen)

15 Min.

Kurz zusammengefasst

'What to Do When You’re New' by Keith Rollag is a guide for making a successful transition into new environments. It offers practical advice to help individuals create new relationships, build networks, and overcome common challenges when starting something new.

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Selbstvertrauen Wandel & Evolution Selbsthilfe Stressreduktion

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What to Do When You’re New
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What’s in it for me? Learn how to thrive when you’re new.

It’s happened to you before: you go to some event – a community meetup, a party, a conference: you name it – and find yourself stranded. You don’t know any of the other attendees; your heart begins to pound, your hands go clammy and you retreat to some inconspicuous corner, pretending to be occupied with your phone.

How to break the ice? How to start a conversation? Or maybe you’re baffled by yourself: Why do I act so awkwardly, you wonder – I’m not even shy!

Well, there are perfectly reasonable answers to such questions, and these blinks lay them out. You’ll learn why people often feel uncomfortable in new situations and, perhaps more importantly, what you can do to be more at ease.

You’ll also discover

that anxiety is part of evolution;
why having a script for new situations isn’t the best approach; and
how to properly introduce yourself.

Our biological and cultural evolution predisposes us to be alert and anxious in new situations.

We all have to be the newbie at some point: we change jobs, change residence, sign up for new classes and so on. But no matter how often we’re the new person in the room, most of us feel anxious about it.

And for good reason.

Throughout our biological and cultural evolution, we came to naturally fear the unknown. In prehistoric times, we didn’t meet many new people. According to evolutionary biologist Robin Dunbar, it was normal, back then, to interact with only around 150 other people, and to encounter no more than 300 or 400 others in a lifetime.

If we happened to meet strangers or enter unknown territory, it made more sense to be anxious and aggressive, as it was unclear whether one would be stolen from or even killed. There was no evolutionary incentive whatsoever to remain calm in new situations.

According to experts on child development, we’ve retained this fear of strangers; infants, for instance, begin to show anxiety around unfamiliar people at six months of age. This feeling is then reinforced by parents and teachers, who constantly warn their children against talking to strangers.

At the same time, however, we have a fear of being excluded from groups. For more social species, like humans, there are powerful incentives to be part of a group, as exclusion can be dangerous. For example, when male monkeys are kicked out of their birth group and into the world, half of them will either be killed or die of starvation before they are able to find a new group.

These days, belonging to a group isn’t crucial to survival, but we still tend to long for inclusion. Modern culture fuels this by stating that only losers are incapable of finding a community.

So, we feel anxious in new situations and yet still want to fit in. How to solve this paradox?

Becoming comfortable in new situations requires a change in mindset.

Think of the new situations you’ve been in recently. Did you feel comfortable? If, instead, you felt stressed and anxious – as so many of us do – you might be wondering why. Why haven’t we learned to relax?

Blame a lack of mindful reflection. Without it, we don’t improve over time. Once people reach a certain level of performance, they start paying less attention to how they perform. Take driving, for instance. Once we’ve learned the basic skills, we cease paying conscious attention.

As a newcomer, the first skill to master is to properly and successfully introduce yourself.

Successful and effective communication begins with a proper introduction. In new situations, people are often reluctant to introduce themselves, preferring to wait for others to make the first move. Perhaps you’re afraid of bothering others. But you should let that go. Think about it: have you ever gotten angry at somebody for disturbing you in order to introduce themselves? No!

Still, people worry that a weak introduction will create a poor first impression. This is an understandable fear; however, making a bad first impression is far better than not introducing yourself at all.

Practice remembering names to show respect, to flatter others and to make a good impression.

Remembering names is crucial to social interaction. So why is it such a struggle for us to recall them?

Blame it on evolution! Our prehistoric brain wasn’t designed to remember names. In prehistoric times, we interacted with a very limited number of people. Only relatively recently did remembering many names become a necessity. Additionally, a person’s name is stored in a different brain region than the other information we associate with that person. That’s why it’s easy for some people to remember faces, occupations or hobbies, but not names.

Get comfortable faster by overcoming your fear of asking questions.

To become a swiftly integrated newbie, you’ll need to get information, help and advice from others. The problem is, this is precisely the time when you’re most reluctant to ask questions.

Why is this? Well, when asking a question, we often experience an irrational fear. We tend to overestimate the possibility of being refused when asking for help, worrying that others are going to judge us or think us incompetent.

Don’t let your fear get in the way; stay positive and focus on giving energy.

Do you ever catch yourself thinking, “I really hope this person likes me,” but doubting that they actually do? Well, you’re not the only one!

Most of us are preoccupied with how others feel about us. Unfortunately, this also causes us to misinterpret social signals.

Learn how to rid yourself of the anxiety of performing in front of strangers.

Feelings of unfamiliarity can breed a whole host of problems. You may be reluctant to contribute or share creative ideas at work; you might quit your new hobby after just two classes. This is what happens when we’re afraid to perform in front of people we don’t know.

But what is the reason behind this reluctance?

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What to Do When You’re New (2015) is the result of Rollag’s 20 years of research on why people become anxious and stressed in new situations. It provides strategies for changing your outlook on new situations and offers techniques for handling such situations with comfort and confidence.

Bestes Zitat aus What to Do When You’re New

The nice thing about being new is you have the implicit right, permission and justification to introduce yourself to just about anyone.

—Keith Rollag

Wer What to Do When You’re New lesen sollte

Those who get anxious in unfamiliar situations
Employees new on the job
Students transferring to a new school

Über den Autor

Keith Rollag is an Associate Professor at Babson College. He specializes in organizational behavior and newcomer socialization and training. His work has appeared in a number of publications, including Harvard Management Update, Stanford Social Innovation Review and Wired News.

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