Good Inside Buchzusammenfassung - das Wichtigste aus Good Inside

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Zusammenfassung von Good Inside

Name: Good Inside
Rating: 4.6 (376 reviews)
Author: Becky Kennedy

Becky Kennedy

A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be

4.6 (376 Bewertungen)

16 Min.

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Good Inside
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What’s in it for me? Throw away the sticker charts and fall in love with your children again.

If you’ve tried and abandoned your fair share of sticker charts and time-outs, you’re not alone. Frustrated parents everywhere are buying up advice books and joining support groups – all in an effort to fix their kids’ bad behaviors.

But maybe parenting shouldn’t revolve around traditional discipline methods and charts. And this Blink is here to prove it.

Dr. Becky Kennedy’s Good Inside is about doing away with parenting methods that have proven ineffective and changing the way you approach your relationships with your kids.

In this Blink, you’ll learn how to use connection-based strategies and find a way to hold your boundaries while teaching your child how to navigate their feelings and experiences without fear, shame, or self-doubt.

You won’t end tantrums.

You won’t end sibling rivalry or emotional outbursts.

But what you will do is build strong, sustainable relationships with your children that give them the resources they need to become confident, empowered adults. And, as a bonus, you can say goodbye to parent guilt, discouragement, and fear.

So with that, let’s get parenting.

Behavior is not the problem.

Before we begin, let’s make one point clear: Your child is good inside. No matter what. When he’s hitting his little sister with a shoe, he’s good inside. When she’s telling you she hates you, she’s good inside.

Agreeing to the “good inside” belief is the foundation for everything that’s coming next. Because once you treat your children, yourself, and everyone, really, with the understanding that they’re inherently good inside, you’ll start to make more generous interpretations of their behavior.

In fact, the first thing you need to do when situations get tough is take a breath and choose the most generous interpretation or MGI of the situation. Holding on to the MGI helps you approach your child with compassion and a desire to understand, rather than jumping to anger and blame.

Next, you need to accept the fundamental truth that two things can be true at the same time. Even if the two things don’t necessarily get along with each other. For instance, your child wants ice cream for breakfast, and you don’t allow them to have ice cream for breakfast. When you allow both things to be true, you won’t feel the need to completely change your child’s feelings.

In this way, the good-inside method isn’t about honoring feelings and giving children whatever they want; it’s about honoring feelings and holding boundaries.

All of this leads to the final piece of the foundation you need for building better relationships with your children: know your job. Know that it’s your job to hold boundaries, but it’s not your job to change your child’s feelings.

Now, let’s learn how to build on these concepts.

Never too late

Before we move on, let’s address a fear that many parents have when they learn this new way of approaching their kids. The fear is that it’s too late.

The answer to that fear is – it’s not too late. In fact, it’s never too late. Let’s go back to that two-things-are-true idea. Here are two things that are true: how you respond to behavior in the early years is essential, and it’s never too late to heal and change the way you parent.

Resilience Over Happiness

Happiness isn’t the ultimate goal.

When happiness is your goal, negative feelings are an obstacle. And we should all be allowed our own feelings. When following the good-inside approach to parenting, the idea is never to change, judge, or avoid a child’s feelings.

You First

As we’ve already mentioned, your relationships with others will only ever be as good as your relationship with yourself. If you’re like most parents, you’ve experienced your fair share of shame. It’s important to face that shame, name it, and bring it out into the open. You’re doing this for your own healing, but also so you can recognize shame reactions in your children and help them navigate those tough emotions.

Shame freezes kids. It puts them between a rock and a hard place. Say your son lies about hitting his sister with his shoe. It’s not because he’s a disrespectful little liar. It’s because he’s stuck between wishing he hadn’t hit his sister and worrying that he’s about to lose the love and security he needs from you.

Connection is Key

Building connections is an ongoing process. This isn’t a fix-it-and-forget-it situation. Connections need to be established, maintained, and grown.

One of the ways you can do that is with deliberate one-on-one time without your cell phone. You don’t need to take a week off screens or shut off your internet. Just make it a point to have regular moments where your children see you put your phone away and focus on them.

When Disconnection Occurs

Bad behaviors happen in good kids. Usually, bad behaviors are a result of a lack of connection, unmet needs, or some underlying fear. If your kid isn’t listening to you, you likely have a connection problem. Don’t try to talk louder, they’re not going to listen. Instead, take a break and go back later and connect with them first before telling them what you want them to do.

Sometimes a child’s emotional demands are too high and it comes out in their body. Emotional tantrums, aggressive tantrums, and fear and anxiety are all manifestations of high emotional demands on a child who’s unable to regulate them.

Understanding What’s Normal

Many parents are worried about behaviors that are completely normal. Shyness, frustration intolerance, food challenges, tears, and perfectionism are all behaviors that occur out of a child’s normal need to find control over their environment.

When you see a child hesitate to join the group, that’s actually a good thing. They’re trying to understand what’s going on before jumping in. You can help your child by talking about something big beforehand or by sitting with them through their hesitancy and answering any questions they may have. Don’t push them into a situation they don’t feel comfortable with. In the end, you want them to be able to trust their feelings, and that won’t happen if you tell them their feelings are wrong by pushing them into something they don’t want to do.

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Worum geht es in Good Inside?

Good Inside (2022) offers hope to parents who feel helpless when it comes to managing conflict in their homes. More than parenting, it’s about loving yourself and extending that love to your children. Dr. Becky rejects traditional reward and punishment strategies, instead encouraging parents to seek understanding with their children while still maintaining healthy boundaries.

Wer Good Inside lesen sollte

New parents
Parents who are afraid it’s too late to change how they parent
People healing from emotional damage

Über den Autor

Dr. Becky Kennedy is a clinical psychologist, mother of three, and founder of Good Inside, a membership platform that gives parents the education and skills they need to heal their family and move forward empowered and full of love for both themselves and their children. Along with the book Good Inside, Dr. Becky offers workshops, runs a podcast, and uses her thriving social media accounts to make her parenting techniques accessible to as many people as possible.

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