The Happiness Hypothesis summary

Anyone who’s ever read one of the many self-help books out there will be familiar with this phrase: “Nothing is inherently good or bad; only our thinking makes it so.”

But is it actually possible to alter our way of thinking? And, if it is, what exactly can we do to change it?

If you were to receive a Christmas card from someone you hardly know, what would you do? Most likely, you’d send a card back in return.

That’s because humans have a deeply ingrained instinct to reciprocate.

Have you ever been in a conflict with someone and wondered how on earth the other person could not see their own errors and shortcomings? Well, this feeling was probably mutual.

We tend not to notice our own faults because realizing that we’re fallible is extremely unpleasant to us. Indeed, for that reason, both our elephant and rider neglect to see them.

If we assume that our way of thinking determines our perception of things as being either good or bad, it follows that the external world would not have any effect on our happiness.

However, this is only partially true.

Whether you like The Beatles or not, it's hard to deny that they were right about at least one thing: “All you need is love.” Love is one of the basics of our lives, and as such it’s completely necessary and irreplaceable.

Indeed, just as a mother’s milk is essential to infants, a strong attachment to the mother is a biological necessity for a child’s healthy development.

We often hear that personal growth comes only as a result of dealing with adverse conditions or traumatic experiences. Yet this can’t be true all the time, since many people suffer from profound depression after experiencing traumatic events.

So how, and in which cases, does adversity yield benefits?

Throughout history, the concept of virtue often referred to certain respected character traits, like morality, altruism or nobleness. These traits were commonly believed to be necessary for leading a happy life in historical periods such as the Middle Ages and in ancient Rome.

Today, however, the Western notion of morality is generally flawed and ineffective. For instance, in contrast to many other cultures, Western children are taught nowadays to think about morality, rather than to practice moral behavior, by, for example, through obligatory social service.

Compared to other societies or past times, religion plays a rather small role in the modern Western world. But even if you’re not a religious person, religions still might have something essential to offer: awe-inspiring experiences.

Whether we’re religious or not, our minds have a divinity scale according to which we perceive things to be more or less holy.

Humankind has for eons tried to establish the essential elements of a meaningful life. Recently, modern psychology has discovered several principles for finding purpose in our lives.

First, we can become happier by establishing the right kind of relationship between ourselves and others.