The Coach's Survival Guide summary

Sometimes it’s hard to know where the boundaries lie. Rachel is a warm and supportive coach, but there have been times when she’s overstepped the mark. In one session, for example, a client opened up about her miscarriage. As Rachel had also suffered a miscarriage, she promptly told the client this. Unfortunately, she could tell from the look on the other woman’s face that this information was unwelcome. This scenario begs the question: How much should coaches disclose about themselves during sessions?

When it comes to self-disclosure, a good rule of thumb is to only share information for the benefit of your client, rather than for yourself. Humanist therapists, for example, believe that some self-disclosure is helpful. Why? Because by revealing that she too can be vulnerable and have unresolved problems, the therapist helps her clients realize that nobody’s perfect and that their shortcomings are nothing to be ashamed of. As a coach, you might say to a client that berates himself for getting anxious before public speaking that he shouldn’t be too hard on himself, and that you also get nervous when speaking publicly.

The author believes Lauren is a competent coach who always helps clients tackle their challenges. Unfortunately, Lauren doesn’t agree with this assessment. In fact, although she’s been qualified for three years, she has only had a handful of paying clients. Why? It’s because whenever someone tries to engage her services, Lauren redirects them to another coach in her network – to someone she believes would be more qualified to meet their needs. If you haven’t guessed by now, Lauren suffers from imposter syndrome. 

This involves feeling like an unworthy imposter in one’s profession, and it might make Lauren feel better to know she’s far from the only one suffering from this debilitating condition. 

Luke was a freshly qualified coach excited to launch his new coaching business. Using his hard-earned savings, he splashed out on a slick website and took months designing his new branding. Upon completion, Luke got active on social media and spent the next year blogging about coaching and connecting with people on Twitter. Unfortunately, whilst Luke was making friends in the online world, his real-world business was suffering; during his first year, he won just two paying clients. 

Where did Luke go wrong? 

Hailey encountered some tricky situations during her first two years of coaching. First, there was the client who wouldn’t stop calling her for advice between sessions. Then there was the client who kept missing his appointments but seemed surprised that he’d still have to pay if he didn’t show up. Why, Hailey wondered, did things keep going wrong? The answer was simple: she hadn’t set up a contract with her clients. 

Before you begin coaching a client, it’s crucial to discuss and sign a contract with her. 

As a coach, it can be hard to know where your loyalties should lie. Jason was being paid by a corporate company to coach a member of staff. Unfortunately, as their coaching sessions went on it became clear to Jason that the company was trying to get rid of this employee. Not only did the person report that he had been demoted, but most of his work had been taken away from him and his desk had been moved away from other employees. More worrying still, the employee seemed oblivious to his worsening situation. 

What should Jason do? 

Coaching can take over your life. Sam is a successful coach who specializes in helping unemployed women find new careers. Moreover, she’s so beloved by her clients that years after their coaching sessions have ended, they still email and phone to let her know how they’re getting on. Sadly, there’s a downside to Sam’s success story; these days, she’s spending so long keeping in touch with old clients that her life outside of work is disintegrating. 

Sam is failing to look after herself. And she’s not the only one. Like many people who work in the ‘caring’ professions, coaches are often so focused on the needs of their clients that they neglect to look after their own wellbeing. The author, for example, has worked with coaches who spend entire coaching sessions in discomfort, simply because they need to go to the bathroom. Instead of excusing themselves, they remain in their chairs, unwilling to prioritize their own needs for even a brief moment.