The Art of Asking summary

In addition to doing her act as “The Bride,” the author performed as a variety of other characters. When playing “Princess Roulette,” a white-faced ballerina, she would respond to people giving her money by doing a dance, turning and jumping at random to different spots.

Each spot indicated a different gift the person would receive, things like candy and plastic toys. But there was a problem: the author realized that the gifts she gave away cost too much relative to the donations she received for her performance.

Have you ever been to a performance where the artist doesn’t ask for donations? Why is it that some people have trouble asking for help? The reason is, many find it more difficult to accept something given to them as an individual than a gift made to a collective they’re a part of.

For example, a musician friend of the author’s once told her that she’d been offered a paid gig but didn’t feel that she deserved it. As a solo musician and not a band, it seemed wrong to accept payment for her performance. The author then realized the same tendency in herself. She didn’t feel entitled to ask for and accept money until she teamed up with Brian Viglione to form the band The Dresden Dolls.

When the author first began handing out flowers as “The Bride,” some people didn’t want to take her gifts. She felt dejected until she realized that her gift could only be a gift if she allowed people the option to decline it.

The greater realization the author had in this moment was that asking is a collaborative act, because the person who is asked can choose to respond with a yes or a no.

So, making your requests unconditional is one key to truly asking. Another is to ask within your community. Here’s how:

First off, be sure to ask the right people. The author built strong ties within her community by dedicating a lot of time to her family, friends and fans. She developed a network of people who trust her by keeping in touch via email and other forms of communication.

You might be wondering how the author was so successful at building a loyal group of followers. One key was that she focused on making friends, not customers.

When she and Viglione began touring as The Dresden Dolls around the year 2000, the author took care of all the band’s networking and management. She meticulously collected email addresses to craft what she called her “golden mailing list.”

Organizing crowds has come a long way since the author first used her golden mailing list to secure sofas to sleep on.

And while crowdsurfing is excellent fun, crowdsourcing can actually be an excellent means for gathering information and fundraising. The best part? It’s easily organized using social media.

There’s one last key to the author’s networking success. She knew that simply staying in touch with your network isn’t enough. You also need to be as honest as possible.

How?